Full Speed Ahead ...

2012 is coming to a close.  4 days left till new years eve - how was 2012 for you?  I know that every year when the year is winding down, I sit and think of all the things I didn't do, how I vow that the next year will be better than this one, and then the next year closes, and the same things are thought and done again...but not this time.

2012 has been a wild ride.  I had a milestone birthday, cleaned up my body and mind, lit a passion for healing and health within me...loved, lost, wandered, and went in search of myself, only to return back to where I started, and to see that is where I was all along. 

We sometimes we  do things to fill a void in ourselves, we eat, run, do yoga, seek out people to tell us that we have a right to feel the way we do, and keep on feeling that way.  We want others to give us our health and give us money, love, joy and everything - but the one thing above all that I learned this year...those things are not to be found outside of myself - they have always been within me.  Once I realized that God is within me, once I changed my thoughts and how I looked at things, the things I looked at changed.

I feel with my heart, I truly do now, I sense every ones deep feelings and what lies just behind the surface of their bodies ...and sometimes deep down inside.  I have grown more in the last year, than in all my years on this earth so far ...I have much more growing to do, but I can handle whatever comes my way, as I live in this moment and this moment only.

Be open to change, stop the blame, the excuses, the fear, the hurt - gather them up, and toss them into the fire - watch them turn to ash, and like the Phoenix who rose from the ashes, a new life will raise for you.

XOXO
BT&HB

Shine Your Light....

" Always remember who you are and where you came from, plant the seeds of peace, love, light and higher awareness.  No matter how painful, long or arduous the job is, it is your mission, and you have the spiritual tools, insight and divine light to see it though." - Unknown.

Happy Christmas to everyone - today traditionally is a day filled with family, food, drink, happiness and cheer.  But how many of you have done nothing for the last month but stress, run around, curse, yell and just act really nasty towards you fellow man? I wonder what the parking lots of the malls will be like tomorrow - no good will towards man there ...seen it too many times, and that is sad.

What I wish for everyone I know and everyone I don't ...it much love and light.  Shine your inner light to everyone...bring forth your light, let it shine and take hold of someone.  Be the loving person you know you are able to be if you just release your ego.  People don't care anymore about others, it is all about them.  Being secure is different than being selfish, just like making an excuse is different than taking responsibilities for your actions and your faults in a situation. 

I have a bright light inside of me, it draws the ones that want to suck the light out of me, but I have my army of heavenly protection, I have my heart, and mostly...I have my self love. 

For one day, I wish I could see the world united, for one day, I wish that everyone would smile and be grateful...for one day, I wish everyone would shine their light - the world would light up like a Christmas tree...and be so bright, that the heavens and all that is above us, would rejoice and sing praise to our loving human race.

I know who I am, and I remember where I came from, and for that reason, I never want to go back to the darkness, or the pain...but drown in the beauty of love, light and joy.




God Bless.
xoxo
BT&HB

My Friends....It Is Time

For weeks I have wanted to blog about what I sense and see going on around me...and after my work day downtown, I saw...it is time my friends, it is time.

As I boarded the subway Tuesday morning - I was hit with a wave of sadness, a wave of desperation, a wave...of separation.  I had a smile on my face as I do every morning, but as I looked around, everyone was on their smartphones, ipads.  I thought, how funny...for how "connected" everyone is ....they are totally disconnected.

There is no light in anyone, all the sadness I see in the young people, all the burdens I see in the older folks...and all the regrets coming out of everyone, just hurts my heart. 

Tomorrow they say is the end of the world...it is not the end, but the beginning, the beginning starts with you.  Don't waste time being sad, angry, hurt, spiteful or depressed...take that first step in caring for yourself and your needs, once you can love and truly respect your body, mind and soul - you can extend that love and respect to others.  Everything will being to turn, you will no longer be alone - or hide behind the past or fear the future...you will be free to live in this moment.

This moment is all we have, this day is a blessing, and you deserve to shine.  Take that first step, remember where you came from, how far you have come, and who you are...take that and first step, smile that first smile from within ...hug someone, be here, now.

We are one planet, one human race and one love ...being to share and love..the world needs us to, God needs us to...I want for you, what I have come to learn and see...the light of love is a beauty to behold in yourself, but a masterpiece when you behold it in others.



XOXO
BT&HB

Coach C & Me...

" approach your goals one step, one rep, one bite and one punch at a time.  They will happen with small daily changes over time.  Don't run to the finish line, enjoy the journey and learn what works for you.  I'm still learning, but in the meantime, I'm having a whole lot of fun. Knock out your inhibitions. Start today." - Rita Catolino

This post will be short and sweet, as I decide to use this blog as a platform to not only share this new journey I am on, but to continue to help everyone to love more, heal more, make changes, find their passions, and to be on the outside, what you are on the inside.

Yep, I got myself a trainer.  It wasn't even something I had to think about, the universe placed Rita right in my path, how could I turn a blind eye to something that I have always feared, but wanted to do??  I am on week two with Coach C, and so far, wow...I can't explain the difference in me from last Monday to today.  I know it is not just her program, but a collective effort between being ready, my mind, body and soul on board and ready for this change, and  the guidance of the heavens.

If you have read my blog for awhile, you will see that I have had many false starts.  I had to stop, heal, take a look at myself and be ready...it was a long time coming, but the way I look on the outside, is not how I feel on the inside.  My energy and self esteem has changed and I feel like a 10000 watt light bulb on the inside, so when Rita walked across the road on my path of life...I listened to my gut and the whispers of heaven...and I am grateful that I did.

Don't avoid the signs the universe gives you - it is guidance.  I am happy and I can't tell you how much so.  It won't be easy, but it is not hard, because this is something I want...and I need to do.  I placed my intentions this year on many things, and I know without doubt, it will happen.

Time for my training - I woke up this morning and said..." thank you God for everything, today is going to be a beautiful day" - and so it is.

XOXO
BT&HB

Music & Healing

" There is nothing in the world so much like prayer as music is." William P. Merrill

Music, where does it fit in your life?  Is your radio set at certain stations while you drive through life?  Do you listen to the same song or CD over and over until you can't listen to it anymore? Do the songs you listen to reflect the state of your life? How does music effect your life and your healing?

I would avoid music, not that I don't like listening to it, but because am not able to hear all the words or cords of a song ...and constantly being denied music as a child- I shut it out.  I could barely listen to the radio in the car, it would give me a headache, until I discovered something, it is not the music that I dislike, it was how I was processing it.  I did a little experiment, I took one of my favorite songs ( even though I am not a hard core music buff, I still have ones that remind me of my crazy days, loves that I have lost, and sometimes things that I had to let go of), but back to my "big bang moment"...

I took the song "someone like you' by Adele, and found the instrumental version of the song, and pulled out the movie scores that I had bought but never listened to...the words in songs can call you, make you cry, lift you up, get you through tough times, make you feel better, or make you smile...but the musical notes and cords, are the ones that heal your soul.

Once I listened to the instrumental verison"s of the songs I loved, I realized something, see, I always wanted to play the piano.  When I was a kid, my parents took me to the school to see about lessons, but they could not afford to send me, and considering I over heard the teacher tell my parents, if she is not serious, don't enroll her, because it will be a waste of money for you.  From that, I just gave up...pushed away all sound, all music - everything that honestly, makes my heart sing and fills my eyes with tears.

I know that I would not have been a concert pianist, but I would have loved to play, to be able to create music, even just for myself, would bring me such joy.  I don't believe that it is ever too late, so for now, I will listen to classical music and place my intentions to learn and hear the beauty of a musical sound, in order to heal that part of me that I didn't even know was there until my tears came and I could not stop.  Music was taken from me, but I have a choice, and I want it back in order to heal and to hear. 

Take the words out of your favourite song, listen to the notes, picture the movement of the fingers over the keys, nothing could be more healing or loving that watching someone play...it is love without borders. 

When Ludwig van Beethoven ( one of the world's genius composers, who had gone deaf), was on his death bed, his last words were:

" I shall hear in heaven"

Music is a prayer coming alive, so listen and pray.

xoxo
BT&HB

November

"November comes and November goes, with the last red berries and the first white snows.
With night coming early, and dawn coming late, and ice in the bucket and frost by the gate.
The fires burn and the kettles sing, and earth sinks to rest until next spring." -Elizabeth Coatsworth

November is the month of the saints, all souls, remembrance day, everything in nature dying around us, but also a month of rebirth.  I thought of how the earth knows how to renew itself, how the leaves fall, sheltering the grass and the dirt, how animals know when to make their winter resting places and when to retreat. Why have we lost touch with this within ourselves?? Why do we complain of the cold, damp, rain, snow and the darkness? This is a blessing of mother earth, because without the darkness of the next couple of months, without the shedding of the colours of fall - the spring will not blossom, the birds will not sing, and we would stay forever in darkness. 

November also marks my birthday month.  I always loved November, not because it is the month of my birth, but because the beauty that I see in this month, the beauty in remembering the fallen, remembering the souls that have passed, and remembering the saints.  How could you not be touched by this month?? It is a month to remember those who defended our great nation, those close to us who have passed and every saint who has watched over the children of God as they walk their path on earth.

For me November marks the beginning of a rebirth, reinvention, and a new beginning...the time has come for me to shed the skin of the past, release the fears and doubts of the past with love and peace, accept what has come to pass, accept that not everyone loved me, even if I loved them, and that with each day that passes instead of darkness and damp, I see sun and warmth...coming from my heart.

So, I leave you with the last lines of Carl Sandburg's poem "Prairie"

   I tell you the past is a bucket of ashes.
   I tell you yesterday is a wind gone down,
   a sun dropped in the west.
   I tell you there is nothing in the world
   only an ocean of tomorrows,
   a sky of tomorrows.
 
xoxo
BT&HB
 

October 11, 2012

Lately, I have been smelling coffee ( even when there is none brewing), I looked up what this meant, and it means literally " wake up and smell the coffee".  Wake up to what?, I thought to myself...what am I missing??? The universe is a wonderful place, but I gotta say, has a wicked sense of humour too!

My intuition is spot on, I sometimes get knocked over by how strong the feelings are about things or people...this one has been brewing for days, I didn't know what I needed to wake up to, as everything was going great, I am more at peace with myself , happier, enjoying everyday ( not just pretending to - but actually enjoying it..family is good, friends are great...what am I missing? What am I asleep too?? 

Today I finally saw what I have been blind or asleep too - something I have been avoiding and that is my work.  I enjoy my work and just finished my 10th year with the firm.  I am grateful for the firm and I love working for them, but for my manager - not so much.  We have had our ups and downs, but with all the self work that I have been doing on myself, I have grown, grown and don't let things bother me as much as they use to ...but she is more blind than I was being. 

Today marked the start of a new beginning for me.  She told me that I had issues with every one of our direct  co-worker ( our department handles payroll and we are only three that work today day in and day out), our most recent one left...and we are in the process of finding another.  I was put down and blamed, again..it is me who has drama ( WTF, I haven't spoken one word to her or my coworker in months), and I am the common denominator with all the previous ones and she is scared to death, about how I will get along with the new one. Even after assuring her that she doesn't have anything to worry about, she still kept going on and on about me caring too much about stuff and taking everything personally and not to be so serious, that it is just a job and come in do it and go home.

I came to see, I have bled, sweat, and cried too long for this, I put all my will and fire into proving her wrong, I put too much into everything I do, to ensure that our department and my manager are held in high regard.  It stops today- I have something much more important to me to bleed, sweat and cry over, and that is my desire and passion to help others, train people to be the best that they can be, listen and help, care and love...with that conversation, the final click happened.  All that I have been reading, doing, talking, meditating and healing is for the wrong reason.  I put too much into something and someone that took all but 20 minutes to rip apart all that I have built in all these years.

I was suppose to train tonight - I came home with a mission, a plan, and a need to write out everything on paper ...this is serious, and something that I want to do...won't share yet, but once all my thoughts and plans are finished - I will share them with you and everyone that has been with me through everything.

"Nothing can withstand the power of the human will if it is willing to stake its very existence to the extent of its purpose " Benjamin Disraeli

My belly is on fire, my mind is alight, all systems checked, my willpower and determination - has found it's true path, doubt and fear will not invade me, because I don't doubt myself and fear is nothing without control. 

xoxo
BT&HB

Detox

 

Detox-n :treatment designed to rid the body of poisonous substances

 

Today is the  7th and  final day of my "detox".  Powers, vitamins, a bit of food, and a bathtub full of water.. but as you see above, detox is not only ridding the body of poisonous substances, it is also a detox of emotions.

 

With any detox, you eat way less - either take a powder three times a day to clean out the goop in your system, or chew on nothing but veggies and white protein.  I normally don't consume flour or sugar much, but when I visited my naturopath last week - I felt a need to detox.  I have done this type of detox before ....the last time was more for my health, this time, I felt that not only did my body need the break, but also all of the emotions and pent-up energy that has been crawling under my skin ....needed to be flushed out. 

 

I have to admit, I was tired, emotional, angry, and really fed up.  I got to the point where I thought to myself, " I am doing everything all my holistic doctors and therapist are telling me to do, I have read every book on food, fitness, meditation, self-help under the sun.  I have done it all, and I felt like a failure...because with all these things combined, I felt let down, not angry, but disappointed.  Disappointed that I trusted people to be honest with me, to want what is best for me- but one key thing I forgot...I know what is best for me..deep down, I think we all do. 

 

I was given a CD to listen to by my teacher.  It is called, " how do we really heal?".  The CD was just what I needed to listen to, and one line that keeps repeating itself over and over..is that, people who do everything right and follow everything to stay healthy, are sick all the time..what is in your astral body, will show in your physical body, and vice versa.  I was also given a sign as I was meditating last night...nothing will change, unless I change it. 

 

I didn't go to the gym at all last week ( so not like me), I didn't really meditate that much, I took a break from not only food, and vitamins, but from chasing and running, hoping that the next thing I stumble upon will be "it", I just lived.  I spent time with my family, I went for reflexology, and a massage, didn't really plan anything, just let the day happen, I took it one day at a time, without being so hard on myself, for not doing all the "things" I am suppose to do.  

 

 

 

I learned something valuable the last 7 days, that sometimes, no amount of pills, vitamins, doctor's visit, meditation, diets, excercise, books, therapy, or CD, can ever replace our eternal knowledge of our bodies, minds and souls, the ones that we were born with, the ones that we misplaced along the journey of our lives, and the ones that God, so lovingly provided with us on the day he placed us on earth.

 

xoxo

BT&HB

 

 

A Matter of Privacy.

"Once you've lost your privacy, you realize you've lost an extremely valuable thing." -Billy Graham.

There is something that I need to get off my chest, and that is the need of privacy or the lack of it now days.  Lately, all I have been reading and hearing is way too much information for me to handle, it seems like no one has any sense of privacy or respect for themselves anymore...everything is splashed around any avenue of social media available. 

There are people I know, who during any given time have their, facebook, twitter, msn messenger, pinintrest, instagram, email and cell phone all powered up and ready to share anything - good or bad, with the world wide web.  I am not against any of the social media forms that are out there today, I just find that some people don't know when to draw the line.  I see an increase in rude and vile thoughts written about people and things in a manner that tells me, the person writing, has a right to their opinion, but do they think of the feelings of others?  Or is this an eye for an eye society? Do we write, post, pin, tweet, email things meaning to be funny, but come across as rude and bitter?

The way your write, is a reflection of who you truly are.  It is easy to write what you would want to say, but don't...because of your fear of  not being accepted.  It is easy to let loose all of your thoughts good or bad, while hiding behind your computer, because deep down, do you really have what it takes to say what you feel and not worry about who you hurt?

Which brings me back to privacy, fighting your battles on line or via a twitter war is not cool, everyone wants it seems these days their 15 minutes of fame, but what they don't realize is that 15 minutes comes with a price.  Julia Roberts once said," I would gladly act for free,  the high price per pictures I ask for, is because of the high price I have to pay for my privacy." When people meet me, they think me either a prude or a snob, not because I am not social or someone who can easily talk to anyone, but because I don't share.  Sure, I have shared much on this blog, but as I said before, it is a journal of sorts and a healing tool for me.  Everyone I write about has their identity protected, even mine is protected, if you haven't been told by me to read my blog, no one would have any idea who they are reading about...that is my way of sharing, without really giving anything away. 

I don't understand how people could be so brass as to write everything about themselves and then cry when people judge them, or the ones who attack others for what they share with everyone, we as humans have lost touch with compassion for others, and more importantly, compassion for ourselves.

We don't live in the dark ages, we don't even live in the 20th century anymore, think back to the early part of the last century, we have come a long way, but the respect and character of people was important, people wore proper clothes and had manners and respect for the elders and themselves.

I ask you all to reflect for a moment, sit back and ask yourself why you want to write what you want to write or say what you want to say, don't let yourself off the hook - ask these questions of yourself before you hit send, is it worth hurting another? Is it worth losing your self-respect?? 

I ask you.." what are you hiding from? while sharing everything???"

XOXO
BT&HB

Balance Is The Key.

"Be Moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance". - Epicurus

Balance, what does that mean for you? For many, balancing work, family, home is the normal answer from our pressure cooker society that pushes us to our emotional limits. Everyone suffers from stress, everyone..the scary thing is, kid's who shouldn't  have a care in the world at their young age, are stress.  We deserve relief from getting crucified daily by stress, which lead me to the topic of my post...balance.

As you know, since beginning this blog, I have come very far, okay, I have hit many walls on this journey to heal my past and make my present and future what I have always envisioned it would be, one filled with love, health, happiness and enjoyment and not taking everything so seriously or holding on to darkness that it consumes me. Along the path, I found teachers to help me through different stages, just as our bodies change, so does how certain things work for us After time, I noticed I wasn't getting the same results as before, either from my workouts, my very routine eating habits, my spiritual growth, my healing process, and so many others things, because I was stuck doing the same thing over and over, when all the results I could get from those things reached their maximum.

I was missing something, and I wasn't sure what.  I am happier than I have ever been, I learned so much about myself and my health in this past year alone than I have in all my years so far, but I hadn't found balance between my body and mind, my health and my healing..my heart and my soul. 

August was a very eventful, I came to see that I need to treat my body better, that I don't want to sit and stare at all the lean and cut girls in the magazines anymore, I don't want to wait around until someone shows up, that your thoughts are very  powerful and I don't want to  be a spectator anymore, I want to be a player in this game of life.  I see more now around me than I did before, I see that I have the power to do what I wanted for so long...and all with balance.

Balance for me is respecting my body and mind, balance my light and dark, taking good care of myself not just for a few weeks, but build a healthy and loving way to treat all parts of my life for life. 

It's lunacy to put up with being chronically anxious, fatigued or depressed, as so many of us have, so I call you all out to the field, no more sitting on the sidelines, or waiting in the outfield, I challenge you to come out and play, put away your fears, your fatigue, your past, grab a bat, and take a hit in the game of life.




xoxo
BT&HB

It's Never To Late....

I asked myself this question tonight, because something unexpected happen, after almost a year, I got an apology from V - read previous blogs and you will see how in love I was with him and how deeply he hurt me on my birthday no less.

Today is his birthday, and in a twist of fate, he is going through what he put me through back in November, and if that isn't weird enough, my birthday fell on a Friday just like his is today, which is Friday, the world is a funny little place.

 He sent me an email telling me that he is sorry for all the heartache he put me through so close to my birthday, because he has been getting his heart ripped out all week and he wouldn't wish this on anyone, and he is truly sorry for all the hurt he caused me. He said that he just wanted to apologize and to let me know that he got his and it sucks.

Honestly, no matter the only reason he said he was sorry was because it was happening to him and it hurt, or maybe it was his way of righting his wrong with me and for his current relationship.  I, honestly with all my heart forgave him a long time ago, I have no hate, no fear and actually no feeling at all.  Part of me was like, OMG! karma...but I want you  all to know that no matter how badly I was ever treated by someone, I would never wish anyone go through what I went through, because not everyone is strong enough to get through it. I believe in karma and what you do comes back to you, maybe not in this life, but in one life it will.  

Do you all want to know if I responded??  I did, because when someone says they are sorry, you either accept their apology or you don't and you should tell them so.  When I was angry at him, when he dumped me and ripped my heart out and threw it in the trash, the only thing I wanted from him was to say sorry and to see the way he treated me was no way to treat someone that you cared for. I got what I hoped for, what I wanted, in due time, I don't know how I would have responded if he would have admitted and said it earlier, but all I know, is that it takes a big person to admit their mistakes, and an even bigger one to forgive the person for their mistakes.

Is it ever too late?  I never thought so, no matter what, it is never to late to say your sorry, to forgive, to move forward, to start anew, to love again, and to smile again. 

It took me a long time to get to this point where in my heart my response to him was kind and to the point, after all this time, I feel really bad for him, because no matter how much it hurt me at the time, I know I had my family and friends to see me through it, but him..I am not sure the people in his life know the real him, and for that I am sad, because there are many people who care for him - I know I did, and deeply.

I saw something on line today, two things actually, one said..

" nothing hurts more than being ignored by the one you care about" & " relationships that start fast...end fast, so take your time."

Fitting, because V and I started fast and ended fast, and just like I was ignored by him, he is now in turn being ignored by the one who has his heart.

I learned today,that forgiveness is powerful, the universe brings you want you want, but not always when you want it, be kind to people because everything you do matters and that God truly does open one door when the other one closes.

Love & Light.
BT&HB

The Shadow of Hiding.

" And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." - Roald Dahl

I have had plenty of "ah" moments, the effects would sometimes last for  weeks, days or a couple of hours, but nothing prepared me for the moment in which I realized, how much of my life has been spent hiding behind people and things.  I have to admit, I was put on the spot last week, and I didn't know how to answer or how to defend myself...because I had nothing to hide behind.  That afternoon, pushed me right out of the shadow of hiding, and into the light. 

I pondered this thought afterwards, and came up with a few things that I have hidden behind or used as an excuse to not do what I need to do, or to speak my truth in fear of being hurt.  I realized that I don't need to show the world my cards, that if I believe in something, I don't have to show the world that I do, I saw that no amount of rosary beads, candle, crystals, holy water, pictures and cards of angels and saint, red ribbons and all other things that we call on for guidance and protection...will actually protect me.  I am not saying that I don't believe in these things, but I think I am going to take the more personal route, like wearing your heart on your sleeve, showing what you believe can also work against you.  I never push my beliefs on others, nor does it bother me to see some showing how devout they are...but to the non-believer, and to the "not so good" people in the world..it throws them off and places you in the poor light, because you have found yours, and they have not. 

I cleaned off my desk on Thursday, I took down all that I have surrounded myself with.  It was like I placed all of the items I had in my heart and soul...not around for everyone to see.  It freed me, in a really strange way...one that uncluttered my mind and heart, allowed me to hold all the angels and saints closer to me, without having to show the world the ones I love most.

We live in a funny little time, a time where people say what they want, do what they want and feel that if they can't say or do, their rights as a human are being violated.  Showing the world you have thoughts and opinions are fine, but showing the world everything that makes you who you are, leaves no mystery, no guessing and no room for growth, because once someone has tagged you as a certain person, it could take a lifetime to convince them otherwise. 

Who has time to live in the shadows of life?  Not me, I took the high road away from that dark. stale place, and chose instead to life my life in colour, with no fear, no regrets, and once I admitted to myself all the hiding I was doing, everything is slowly becoming less of a struggle...Come out of the shadows my friends, and join me in this beautiful light that is life.

xoxo
BT&HB

The Wise Words of a Stranger

Today started off as any other Sunday does for me...some mediation, prayer, coffee, water, shower, vitamins, breakfast, pack my bag and off to the gym ( which I am happy to report after months of slacking, am back on a new program and responding well..love the energy rush!).  It was after I finished at the gym, that I stopped to pick up a few things before heading home, this is when I encountered the wise stranger. 

I am not one to shy away from talking to strangers, never have been.  According to my mother, I use to talk to everyone and anyone.  People are people, nothing to be afraid of and you never know how they could impact you, good or bad.  Before I tell me story, there is never really a bad meeting with a stranger, it is all how you process the person in your mind, don't look at someone with your ego, look at them with your heart, and they could never hurt you.

So, gathering my things, limping along ( my legs are screaming at me with every step I took), thinking what I am going to eat for lunch, I reached the cash. A lovely older man, one who's eyes were shining and his face was just lit like a sign on the highway..said to me, " you girls keep getting younger and younger." I said, "oh, I am old enough to be some one's mother." to which he replied, " you miss understood me sweetie, see, once I raised my voice, I took off my hearing aid, because I could hear myself again." Ah, what? didn't make any sense to me while I was talking to him and he processed my purchase, but it was an unexpected and pleasant conversation.  I paid him, thanked him kindly and went on my way, not before he told me that the next time he wants a note from my teacher, cause I should be in school.

Well, I smiled the whole way out of the store, and something stopped me...he was an angel in disguise to deliver a message, the message is ...to raise my voice, and I will hear again.  What most of you don't know, is that I am hard of hearing, I wasn't born this way, but somewhere around age 10, I stopped listening, therefore hearing.  I know in part most of my insecurities in life have been because I could hear right, I used it as a weapon against the "mean people" but like with everything in my life, I now question; not why? but for what is the lesson and the purpose?

It seems like everything I wanted to say is trapped in my head, I have let out a lot, but I believe my wise stranger was trying to tell me, not to raise my voice per say, but to use my voice of truth, which will allow me to be who I truly am and in turn, allow me to hear the beauty in the words of others. 

                                                          Unknown artist



I always tell everyone, some people are so beautiful, until they open their mouths, some, are not so pretty, but once they open their mouths, their beauty is beyond words.  I heard the voice of an angel today...and that was worth all the pain, sadness, guilt and shame, because it was beyond anything I have ever heard, and I heard his words, not just with my ears...but with my heart and soul.

XOXO
BT&HB

With Every Bad...There Is A Good.

" The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual- for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost". - M. Scott Peck

What might be considered  a bad thing to one person, could be a blessing to another.  What is good for one, might be bad for the other.  Just like there are two sides to a coin, there are two ways to look at life, either bad or good...or a bit of both.

Sometimes, God sends us into the fog so we could grow, sometimes you need to be yelled at to smile about it after...sometimes, just turning your mouth into a smile, can turn a dark second into a bright one for someone else.  You know how they say, you should smile at strangers because you never know what that would mean to them.  I have taken to saying good morning to everyone I pass in my office building.  You would be surprised how shocked they look- but they always respond and their "back to work morning face", turns up into a smile and lifts not only them...but me too.

Some days are not easy, but I know and have learned that, from illness, you learn about health, from lost you learn about love, from betrayal you learn  about trust, from failure you learn success, and from anger you learn happiness. I sometimes wish that I could wake up and know all the answers and skip my way through life, that everything would be just as I dreamt or pictured, but if life doesn't challenge you, it won't change you. 

If you deem something bad in your life, try to always see a good, don't look back at the past, or too far ahead in the future, just look at today, right now. 

 Right now, the sun is setting for the day, my tummy is full, I had an amazing work out, my mind is calm,  my ears are not ringing, I have my angels around me, I feel loved and protected...and right now, in this moment, life has taken my breath away. 

xoxo
BT&HB

Turning The Page & Closing A Chapter

I turned the last page on a chapter of my life this week. It came in with a bang and gave me a sense of calm, peace and excitement...because I am throwing out the pen and the book...and I am starting anew.

For years it seemed like the same story was playing over and over, I was just writing about different players, different clothes, different jobs..but the story always reminded the same...until this week.

I turned a page on Thursday, it all became so clear, I say too much, and to not always well meaning people.  I am not saying that you shouldn't share your joys and pains with people, just don't share everything about yourself.  In a time of facebook, twitter, text messaging , email and all the manner of posting, sharing all aspects of your life to the world wide web...some times you put too much out there, and that could hurt you in life.

I realized that my intuition was trying to tell me to stop talking, and listen.  It is my turn to remain silent and listen, really listen.  I talk a lot, love talking, my brother actually ask when I stop to breath ...but there is something deeper and much more important that I am suppose to be listening too - and I know that it is the voice that I didn't want to hear, the voice that tells the truth and the one, that until this week I heard, but was afraid to take her hand.

That hand and voice is the one of my intuition.  Accepting that you hear your inner voice and are not afraid to act on what guidance your given takes a lot of guts.  I know it won't be easy, but I can tell you that everyday it gets easier, everyday, you get stronger, everyday, no one can make you feel less of yourself, no one can bring you down or throw you off track..because you will not need the approval or the guidance of others..because your best counsel is within you. 

No matter what came to pass by your words or actions, no matter how painful they were to you or others, the truly loving and compassionate ones, can take that and make good of the bad, turn the suffering into a lesson, tears of sadness into tears of joy, darkness into light.

Helen Keller once said about her path in life...

" I chose this ( being blind and deaf) so I could teach the blind to see and the deaf to hear." She was talking about us, because we even with vision, we don't see, and with hearing we don't hear.

My new chapters is starting....are you with me?


XOXO
BT&HB

Rejection... Never Felt So Good

Yup, you read that right, rejection, never felt so good! And yes my readers, I got rejected today by my manager...and what a gift it was.

Let me give you a little back ground information, I work for a national law firm and have been working under the same woman for the last 5 years. Every year and a half, we seem to lose our coordinator, either due to them leaving for something better, babies, better pay, hours etc, the lasted one is leaving us ( or might not be leaving us) sometime around the end of this year.  She according to my manager is the " most smartest, amazing and professional coordinator I have ever had"..so you like to think, if only she knew what she does on the other side of that partition wall - she would sing a different tune. My current co-worker, leaving/might be leaving due to her husband's work, no word yet, and everything is at a stand still until she tells us that she is either staying or leaving, not fair if you ask me...cause she has only been with us for a year and a bit.

So, I went to my manager to inquire about something she needed to discuss with the director of our department ( which for the second time now, she answered...I have no idea).  I asked her about our coordinator's situation, because honestly, how many times do I and she have to go through this?? She said that thinking about having to start all over again, training, me getting to know them ( WTF?) it gives her pains.  I explained to her that she doesn't have to worry about me getting use to them, they have to get use to me...I was and still am here first after all.  Then I said to her, well, honestly, I think that you should train me for the position.  She stared at me for a second and launched into how I lack the schooling ( not true, have take two sections that is required), how that was the plan from the beginning but it " didn't quite work out that way", ( at this I was shocked, what in the name of God's green earth was she talking about???) no one told me that is what they had planned, they had told me they wanted to train me as back up, but not to have that job, as we always had a coordinator..I said, well, since we knew a  good 6 months in advance, we could start now...at that she said, " do you feel that you are ready for that job??" I said yes and no, but I am able to do much more than what I am doing. 

It dawned on me right at that second, I always hoped that she had faith in me and that she gave me more credit that what I heard or saw...and in that moment, everything became clear, she doesn't trust me, or think me smart enough, or worthy of the job.  She sees me as the picture she painted..and that made me want to laugh at her...because at that second, she gave me the power I needed to take the next step.  I have been sending out my resume and so far only one call...but I wasn't putting in the 110% that my Scorpio self is know to do.  I am free, I know now how she feels about me and I was totally shot down, and it didn't make me angry at all - because that is what I needed to hear, a confirmation that the little ego voice in my head saying..." just stick around, she values your work, she knows your smart..everything will come in time.." well, I am now more than ever motivated to move forward, grab the bull by the horns, and when the next storm hits my department, I am not going to be the one shielding  her from the winds...this time, your on your own.

I have managed people before, many more than she has, but during the course of our conversation, she keep saying, " you can have my job, or find another one if your bored.." she is so bipolar I don't care to try to understand her anymore...it just makes my brain hurt, I would never shoot down someone the way she did me, considering through all 5 coordinators, I am the only constant...nothing will change until she does, until she gives up being so controlling and so unbending, she has to trust, let go and allow us to grow...and anything she says, doesn't hold ground with me anymore, nor do I believe her...because I can see right through her...and she is scared and fed up ( I would be too if I was her..) but she made her bed, now she has to lie in it.

What am I happy about?  Well, for one thing...I saw how smart and hard working I truly am, how much influence I have over my own life, how the key to happiness at work is in my hand, and I am ready to put the key in the lock and open that door,  how she can no longer gut me, or make me feel less of myself, how she doesn't have a backbone and how foolish I have been..but during that time, I needed to be foolish...because otherwise I would have made the same mistake again and never learned my self-worth .

I think of the future, do I want to stay as I am, or do I want a ride to fame and fortune with happiness and health following me on my travels throughout this adventure called life? For those of you with me on this journey...hope you have a helmet & buckle up...because I am moving full speed ahead.

XOXO
BT&HB

The Battle

"Who chains you? Who holds the key to set you free? It's you - you have all the weapons you need, now fight."


Battles, they say we can pick and chose our battles, some you have no choice to fight, because they are given to you for a reason, what if you can't see or don't want to see the reason?  What if you doubt you have the ability to fight this battle? That is what I feel right now, at this second.

Friday I felt sick to my stomach.  Most of it was due to mixing the wrong food on an empty stomach.  Let me tell you, I thought I was dying, the energy in me was on fire, I could not stand or lie down...it was the hardest 7 hours of my life...but there was a lesson, because today, I still feel weak and gutted.  What battle am I fighting? And do I have the right weapons to fight it?

The battle that is raging inside of me has me tired, depleted, down, sad, lost for words and no thought of  how to get out of this battle field.  Part of me knows that the major reason why I still feel the physical symptoms of the stomach pain, is because I have to act on what I feel.  I am holding back from moving forward, I doubt and fear moving forward.  I have come a long way, but the one thing that is keeping me from letting my light fully shine out to everyone and help, not only myself, both others...is me. 

I am scared, scared that what if what I am attempting to change backfires? What if it takes me 20 years like it took me to reach the point I am at now? These are ego fears and I know that, but there is something sitting in my solar plexus waiting to come out.  I meditated this morning and asked God and the universe to take this fear and doubt, and heal me, heal me of the self-sabotage, and all the poison I have heard from others, and the poison I placed in my own body. I had cold chills while my hands were burning, I was crying, felt weight on my chest and stomach...but most of all, I felt overcome by tears, because I am the cause of these feelings, and I don't know how to get out of it.

The battle has begun,  my cross is around my neck, my prayers are for guidance, healing and strength and my weapons are loaded. I will bring to battle all that I have learned about myself, all that I have faith in, and know that the only person I will ever surrender to is God. He has given me everything I need, now it is up to me to fight.

XOXO
BT&HB

Acceptance

Tuesday's are not good days for me, so I use to think.  Some people dislike Monday's, not me, Tuesday's aren't  blue days for me per say, it is the day that I feel physically sick, my head hurts, my stomach feels like someone punched me, everything in my body hurts, even the roots of my hair...why I asked myself, is the reason for this "sick Tuesday"?

Since I have embarked on this new path six months ago, many things have turned my whole life  upside down.  At first I was scared of everything that was happening, thinking the worst and wondering if there was really something physically wrong with me, or my ego shouting..." what are you thinking?  Your really gonna believe that you can actually do that?? who are you kidding??" to wanting to throw in the towel and just give up.  Until I realized that just like when you are cleaning out your body, you have to get worst before you get better, when you release long held beliefs and emotions, the same thing happens, you have to get worst before you get better. 

Last week on Tuesday, I felt like I had a near death experience, the anger inside of me, the hurt was like I set my internal oven on 500 and just let myself roast.  When the fire died, I swore I would never have another day like that - but something was telling that I have a few more emotions to release, they won't be as bad, but they won't be pleasant.  This morning started with a massive ringing in both my ears, I prayed and carried my healing crystals in my pocket, asked for protection and surrendered this pain to God and my angels.  But by noon, the noise had me by the neck, so I took my lunch and found a quite spot to give myself some healing light.  During that time...from the depth of my solar plexus, came a noise, and a voice....my voice, saying..." G, I love you, and accept you just as you are.  Your strong, beautiful and smart, and I love you truly." This voice started the tears of happiness flowing, for in that little time I sat in silence - I let go of my inner critic.  I finally accepted myself, body, mind and soul - just the way I am.

When I returned to my desk, I felt better, more at peace...and in love, truly with me.  It is a beautiful feeling to allow myself to accept me, because for so long I was seeking acceptance from others to make me who I am.  I am not going to say that the ringing has stopped, it is actually louder right now, but I know that once I settle for the night and get a good healing sleep, tomorrow will be a new and bright day because...

I found the love of my life, the one that accepts me as I am, no matter what I had done to my body or soul, no matter how hard I was on myself, she waited silently to be remembered, to be brought back to life, to be heard, and to reclaim her voice...I found ME.

                                                       daskull.deviantart.com    
xoxo
BT&HB

What You Hide, Can Hurt You.

"Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ian’t goin' away. " - Elvis Presley



In a world of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. Tell the truth is about freedom. It is about being happy, at peace, healthy and living a meaningful and loving life. Telling the truth is about feeling good about who you are and feeling good in your own skin. But lies often seem easier to tell... than the truth.



Many people have grown so accustomed to telling lies; they no longer know what their truth is. I have had many people say, “I don't lie.." ya, right, those words have flown out of my mouth just after having told a bold face lie. It takes guts to tell the truth about how you feel and what you stand for.



I wrote in a previous post, the truth shall set you free. It does set you free, but also makes you take a long hard look at yourself and why you tell the little lies you do. People have told me," What I don't know, won't hurt me"; I would rather know than be a fool while everyone else knows the truth. I have been lied to, many times, big and small, by bosses, boyfriends, friends and family. I have always tried to be honest and open with everyone, but I have also hidden a lot. I have always said, I like to talk, but no one really knows what I hold in my heart. Hiding things can hurt you, almost like you feel ashamed of who you are, where you come from or what you’re doing with your life. I have to admit, I have felt ashamed, therefore have lied, you lie once; you have to remember the lie you told, and use another to cover them up.



Lying could be something as simple as agreeing with your manager when you really don't, saying yes, when you mean no, doing something against your inner voice, just to please another...or being someone you’re not, to cover for the lies of another. Illnesses are sometimes the body's way of saying.." enough of this, we tried everything else, so now we are going to force you to change".



Changing from a voice and life of lies, to a life of truth and happiness is a wonderful, beautiful, eye-opening and exciting thing. I never knew how much the little lies made me sick, even the ones I told myself. Once I was honest with myself, once I released my anger, hate and blame against others ...it is as if, the sky opened, and God and angels said, "we have waited for you for such a long time, we have always been with you, and waited for the day you would be ready to follow your divine path in life..". I feel blessed and filled with gratitude more than there are words, for finding my truth, and release the hurt of lies.



Each day be aware of your truths, if you don't tell the truth, ask yourself why? Start within your heart, and ask for courage and strength to tell the truth, not only to others...but more importantly to yourself.



I once heard in a movie..."hate put me in prison, but love will set me free.." . Don't make yourself a prisoner ...set yourself free.



xoxo

BT&HB

No More Games, It's Time for Change

I broke today...like open, a flood gate of tears could not stop rolling off my cheeks today.  I could barely make it through the day and my tummy just wasn't happy.  What happened? I admitted something that I was pretending was okay, I changed my thoughts and felt that everything would be okay, I took advice and said, that is their problem not mine...but I had to finally admit, that no matter how much I pretended, or tried, I am not happy with my work.

People say that work is just work, and for me that is how I have been viewing it for awhile now, until it hit me that for the last four years my health has been up and down so much, that the main factor was my work, more my manager than my actual job, I enjoy the work I do, but being constantly criticized and when I stick up for myself I am asked by my manager ..." what is with this fuck you attitude??" ( I kid you not, these words came out of the mouth of someone who is in charge of a national payroll department).  I don't feel like part of the team, I am treated like an employee, none of my ideas are taken seriously, and I am constantly being held back, the game ends here...it is time for change.

I have brushed off my resume months ago and have been sending it around to different places, I have skill, smarts, am a fast learner, and to be honest, if she hadn't branded me I could have been far more ahead than I am.  I have taught myself a lot of things due to her lack of direction or time, she is always busy, or otherwise engaged in training yet another coordinator ( 4 in the last 4 years) and seems like number 4 is on her way out as well.  This time, she will not make me feel like she could not have made it without me while it is only the two of us, until the next one  shows up.  I am not going to be around when the storm happens again, I got caught in that storm enough times to know, that doing the same thing over and over and expecting things to be different, is insanity.

I finally realized that the reason why I feel sick once or twice a week is because of the toxic environment that I work in.  I don't want her approval, I just want to be treated as the smart and hard working woman I am.  I came to see that she keeps me where I am, because she doesn't have a backbone, she keeps me an arm length from the director and constantly,constantly talks about everyone in our department, until one day I said to her..."wow, if that is what you say about H, I wonder what you say about me??" to that, she had no answer. 

Something just tells me she is intimidated by me.  Something tells me that she is an ugly person would will act all concerned and when you spill your guts, she uses it as ammunition later, I don't hate her, I pray for her.  I pray that she sees she is a child of God, I pray that she stops treating everyone in her life like they don't know any better and that her way is always right, I pray, pray that one day, just for one day, she will stop her curses at me and see, that I wanted so badly to make her proud in the beginning, until I realized, I could never make her happy, nor anything I do good enough for her. It is a battle that I won't win, and I respect myself to much to keep playing.

So, I have changed my game, for today, I was defeated, but...not out.  I have a full army of angels and all the saints in heaven behind me, I have my family, my friends, my teacher, my health, and most importantly, my soul and faith.  My soul is open, and my faith is never ending...until the day I leave this planet ...I promised myself, step by step, no matter how small...I will never give up, and my life will never again be controlled by the words or actions of another, or the words of my ego.  

Time to lace up the shoes and hit the ground, the fog has lifted, and God puts us through the fog for a reason, we just have to be strong enough and have enough faith and light  to walk through it...even when you can't take another step, or your light goes out...God will send from heaven, your angels, to gently pick you up, and once again light your way, so you can see the green pastures at the end of the fog. 

XOXO
BT&HB

How Fair Are You?

Fair- if a situation is fair, everybody is  treated equally and in a reasonable way. 
Life is not always fair
Everyone has a right to a fair trial
Free and fair elections.
It is no fair to someone: "it wouldn't be fair to the others if she is paid more."  -Online dictionary.

How fair are you to the people in your life?  Do you treat everyone the same or some better than others?  I pondered this question not only about how I treat people...but how fair they treat me.

I have carried this burden and anger for many years, from my parents, to my friends, to teachers , to boyfriends and bosses, only for a bright light to shine on this feeling of anger this weekend. 

I guess you could say I had an "ah" moment.  It was a beautiful feeling of warmth and calm that came over me while I was reflecting and healing...I realized, that everyone treats me different, because I am, I am stronger and more able to handle things than all the people I feel are being treated more fairly than I.  I realized that by complaining and being angry that I get the short end of the stick all the time, is really me giving them power over my life.  I am waiting for their approval to say.." oh, poor thing, of course you can have what they have..". But by wanting what they have, will make me as weak as them.  I am not weak, nor have I ever been, even when I was crying and so hurt inside by the un-fairness of things in my life, I never showed it...but it ate away at me, until I said, enough, no one has the power to make you feel like your life is not fair, you give them the power when you become angry at them.

I have always treated people the same, I don't care who you are or what you do, how much money you have or if your position is higher than mine, we are all children of God.  The people that like to play with their control over others ( which includes being fair or unfair) haven't realized yet that they are children of God and therefore souls.  If you view others as souls and not children of men, your heart opens, you love no matter what and with that will treat everyone the same...with kindness.

Be fair, be honest, be loving, be you and remember:

Everyone can be nice to a person who is nice to them, but it takes a truly great person, to be kind and nice to the ones who have treated them poorly. 

xoxo
BT&HB

In Life, You Always Have A Choice...

"The choice is yours, and everything in life ultimately comes down to choice." - Caroline Myss

Everyone has said at one point in their lives, " I didn't have a choice", yes you did, but maybe you chose wrong.  I know I have, but even the wrong choices are made for a reason.  I have made many wrong choices in life, things that now I look back on, could have spared me a lot of pain, but then I wouldn't be the person I am today.  I have said, if I knew then, what I knew now, I would not have done that...but doing it then, made me wiser now.

Some of us feel that we don't have a choice, either because of family, kids, money,  job or social group.  Some people I know follow the masses, or are afraid to stop running around or take a break from work, because that would mean they have to face themselves.  I lived for years on the run, from one job to another, from school, date, club, home and back to work again...only because I was running from myself.  I had a choice, I didn't have to work 27/7, I didn't have to go out dancing and drinking every weekend, I didn't need another pair of shoes, I didn't have to go out with every guy that asked me ...but good or bad, I made the choices I did, to make me stronger today.

When we are kids, teenagers, we did have choices ( not many), but at least for me, I tried to make the choices that would make my parents and friends happy or proud.  I made choices that I didn't always feel good about, or in my heart I did for others, not myself.  But why as an adult would you chose to let someone else make a choice for you?  If I can pay taxes, I don't need anyone to tell me what or how I should live my life...that comes from within me, and no one else knows what truly lies inside of my heart...but me. 

I came to see, some people don't want to make choices on their own because that would mean if it didn't work out, they have no one to blame but themselves.  Mistakes happen, not learning from them and making the same ones over and over - is what causes people to put their lives in the hands of others...who holds your life?

So, I leave you with this thought...

"Love life, even without pleasure, but more importantly, love the pleasure that is life."

                                                  

xoxo
BT&HB

In Life, We Need Backbones, Not Wishbones.

" The challenges we face in life contain the lessons we are here to learn.  Do not withdraw from them, nor attempt to solve them half hearted, but instead, fully embrace them.  Accomplishment of a worthy personal goal brings with it more than just the results you were looking for.  It also brings the certain knowledge that we can change and create the kind of life we want.  In the end, when we examine our lives, it is not so much what we know in our heads that is important , nor even what we do, but what we become." - William Lee Rand

Backbones, we all have them in the physical sense, but how strong is the  backbone of your self-esteem? How strong is your self- respect? Mine right now and forever will be -strong, because I stopped looking for  wishbones.

We all encounter people everyday, who will make a wish ( wishing is good, but behind the wish, you must take action).  Some people wish it will not rain until they get home, that it was Friday instead of Monday, that they were skinnier, prettier, richer etc.  But wishing only gets you so far, I know, I use to wish and wish hard that all that I knew in my mind I wanted my life to be, would come without effort on my part, only because I wished it so.  But with much guidance, prayer, meditation, healing and motivation from within, I was going about it all wrong, my goal/wish, should have been  to have great self-esteem and self-respect.  Once I put that in my mind, everything changed.  My outlook on myself and others changed, I became more aware of the energy around people, who would effect me in a negative way, and who in a positive way.  With each passing day, my backbone got stronger, I no longer wanted to be accepted into an inner circle at work ( one that no matter what I did, they would build me up, only to cut me down), not to listen to the garbage of others, or jump on the gossip bandwagon.  I became free - my heart opened and out poured all the love for myself that I was guarding against invaders. 

I always wish people well, no matter what they have done or not done to me, each morning my prayer is for guidance and peace, strength and protection.  I ask that any negative thoughts, words or actions towards me, be sent back to the person they came from with love and peace, because karma does come back around. 

Take a few minutes to reflect on how your backbone is, how much to you wish things would be different, they can be, if you really respect yourself, because once you have chosen empowerment, no one can ever take that from you.  Your connection with God, your angels and more importantly with yourself - will become an unbreakable bond, one that no man or woman can every shatter.

My days of looking for  the magic wishbone are over, that magical one I was looking for was right were I left it...inside me.

xoxo
BT&HB

The Power of Colour

"Sound, light, and color are all interconnected at the source..."

What is your favorite colour? Everyone gets asked that question.  I use to reply, "black" they would laugh and say, that is not a color, no, I would say...but if you mix it with others, you get a colour, so I like to be the base that grounds a colour...little did I know what wearing so much black was doing to me and my outlook on life. 

It dawned on me, when I realized that I wore black from head to toe, socks, shoes, bra, underpants you name it...even my eyeshadow was the darkest shade of grey I could find,until a dear friend of mine, asked me to try to wear more colour.  I can't tell you what a struggle that was the next morning!  I did own color, I would buy things and wear them once and not wear them again, I think I could supply clothes for a small town with everything I own.  She told me that wearing colour would lift my spirits, make me smile and make others notice me in a good way, not as the dark cloud or grieving person I became known as.  So, with that, I started on my colour journey, even as I sit here, I am wearing colour, not for fashion, but for my soul and spirit.  Wearing colour has given me light, self-esteem, confidence, and happiness above all.  So, since I have found a healing quality to colour, below are some color meanings:

Violet: calming for the body and mind
Indigo: Dreams, helps to open our intuition
Blue: calming. relaxing
Green: Balancing, unconditional love ( bet you didn't know that green, not red is the colour of love)
Yellow: stimulates mental activity, feeling of confidence
Orange: warming and energizing
Red: Energizing, stimulates appetite, grounding
Magenta: Playful, balancing spirit and matter
Turquoise: cool & calming, good for artists
Pink: soothes and nurtures, helps dissolve anger
White: giving protection, divine connection to the body
Black: absorbs, letting all energies come in

All the black I use to wear was absorbing all the negative energies, emotions and problems of others, but most importantly, keep mine stuck when my soul and body were shaking for release, the release of sadness, so I could become happy.  I have learned that colour, can change your life, I use to say I hated blue ( blue jeans fine, but any other blue..didn't like it) now it is the colour I love most - because for me, blue is healing, blue is protection, blue is the colour of the sky for me even when it is cloudy, because colour made me find my creative side again, I buried that girl so long ago, but she tapped me on the shoulder a couple of weeks after I swore off black...I could sense and hear her say ..."it is beautiful on this side of the rainbow isn't it?? Welcome back my love."

God didn't make our world dark, there is colour in everything he created, even ourselves, he is just waiting for us to find the one that makes us shine.  He didn't want us to be swallowed by darkness, so why would we chose to at our own will. What colour are you?



                                               Photo : Color Me Divine




xoxo

BT&HB

From My Sadness...I Found Joy

"Angels help lead us out of our own darkness and into their divine light" - Unknown

Everyone knows sadness - even the most happiest person on the planet, has felt sadness. We all feel different types of sadness, but for me, I felt like it followed me everywhere.  I am not a "sad" person per say, but the light left my face, my eyes didn't sparkle like they should have...because I didn't know the source of my sadness...until one day, it slowly came together.

I would smile, laugh, play along, do things I didn't want to, in hope that it would bring me happiness, until I asked myself..."why just when things are perfect or I am a step away from my goals...does everything fall apart??" Why I asked,did happiness forsake me? Why did it feel like there was a dark cloud hanging around my heart? Why in my dreams would I see a totally different woman than the one I saw in the mirror every morning?? The answers do come if your ready for the truth, and that is the truth spoken to you by your intuition, it is the voice that most of us can't stand, it is the voice that tells you the truth.

I came to see, that life is too short to carry the scars of the words of others...including my own.

A wise woman told me today..." everyone loves a negative story, tell the negative, but also the positive"....that is just what I am going to do.

For all the sadness we see hear and speak, comes laughter, love and compassion. One smile, can transform the mood of another, it is sometimes a hard load to carry, but it is much lighter than carry the load of sadness.  With happiness smiling and laughing or being a light person can truly, change you and others.

I know my purpose, I know what I was placed on earth to do...and that is to walk beside people and be their friends, even if it is done with just a smile.

I would like to end this post with a thank you ...

Thank you for bringing me back from the darkness, thank you for believing in me, thank you for showing me that  angels  walk this earth, thank you for walking with me on this journey, thank you for showing me the colour of my heart, thank you for being my teacher, mentor and friend. Together we shine our beautiful light of love and healing to others...I believe in earth angels, because for me your mine.- Light and love Angie.

J.H.S.Mann

Where Do You Live...???

Not as in the country, town or city, but where does your mind and thoughts live? Do they live in the fog of the past? The light of today? Or the imagination of tomorrow? I, until recently, lived in the fog of my past.

We all encounter things daily that make us recall past events or people, either with happiness or sadness or even anger.  Living with the dead of your past is like living in a cemetery, the memories are there, but you get no answers, and sometimes feel no better having visited.  Don't misunderstand me, I visit my dearly departed at their final resting place to talk and in my own way receive their answers, but living with the past strapped to your back, after awhile, can weigh you down.  I know how living with past actions, words and feelings have prevented me from living in the present.  Living in the past allows you to blame others for your life, instead of taking responsibility for your part in the past.  Some people say it is okay to remember and visit the past, so long as you let it go, don't stay, don't linger...because nothing can be changed of  what came  to pass. 

I have finally cut the cord.  I waited so long for someone or something to release the ties that bound me to the past, until I realized, only I have the power to cut the cord, and to live in this moment, because this moment is all that you truly have.  Think about it, wouldn't you rather be grateful for the family and friends, food, home, job and health that you have instead of holding on to the dead weight of the past? Everyone I think, would rather be grateful than carry the dead of their past. 

I have to say, moving forward is a journey, sometimes I feel like it isn't happening fast enough, but with each day, the sun comes out for me, even when it is cloudy, because I faced the past, asked for forgiveness, have forgiven, thanked the ones that loved me and left, blessed the ones that hurt me and place the last flower on the coffin of my past. 

So, where do you live?  Come out of the fog of the past, don't wait for tomorrow, and know that this day is a blessing and can be all that you want it to be, because only you have the power to create a beautiful memory for tomorrow. 

Like the Buddha said..." No matter how hard the past, you can always start again..."

xoxo
BT&HB

The Act of Confession

"Like marriage, confession is understood in all cultures, because it is universally recognized that the spirit cannot carry its burdens and mistakes without disintegrating.  We need to release all that is dark witnin us lest our psychological and emotional demons consume us and cause us to see all others as dishonest, corrupt. fearful, and guilty of negative actions.  When these demons hold sway, we become saturated with the energy of paranoia and are unable to trust others fully." - from the book, Why people don't heal and how they can" by Caroline Myss. 

I have been inspired by many people and things as of late.  I have been on a journey of self-healing and self-discovery in a way that I have never done so before.  I am questioning my path in life, the people that I met along the way, the ones that are still with me, and the ones that are not.  In her book Anatomy of the Spirit, Caroline Myss states that the act of confession is calling your spirit back from a past experience that has a hold on your energy.  Think about all the dead things we carry around with us, all the things we should have said, done, or not do.  I know that I was carry the dead weight of my past for so long, and it did nothing but leave me with a bruised self-esteem and a broken heart, ( I am not talking about boys only...anyone can break your heart).  Anyone who says they don't have a self-esteem issue is lying.  No one is born with great self-esteem, it grows as you grow, matures with who you listen too, and blooms when you love yourself above everyone else.

Every night I light a candle, and say my confessions, and call my spirit back from where it is either stuck or lost.  Confession requires a act of willpower, because it means that you are ready to face your own shadow and to make amends. You recognize that the choices you make at each moment of your life do have consequences.  Even our negative choices directed to ourselves, cause us to see the harm we have done to ourselves.

No matter what your faith is, or what you believe in, pray, pray to call your spirit back from the past, pray, for protection, guidance and love to always be with you...all the days of your life.

xoxo
BT&HB