I asked myself this question tonight, because something unexpected happen, after almost a year, I got an apology from V - read previous blogs and you will see how in love I was with him and how deeply he hurt me on my birthday no less.
Today is his birthday, and in a twist of fate, he is going through what he put me through back in November, and if that isn't weird enough, my birthday fell on a Friday just like his is today, which is Friday, the world is a funny little place.
He sent me an email telling me that he is sorry for all the heartache he put me through so close to my birthday, because he has been getting his heart ripped out all week and he wouldn't wish this on anyone, and he is truly sorry for all the hurt he caused me. He said that he just wanted to apologize and to let me know that he got his and it sucks.
Honestly, no matter the only reason he said he was sorry was because it was happening to him and it hurt, or maybe it was his way of righting his wrong with me and for his current relationship. I, honestly with all my heart forgave him a long time ago, I have no hate, no fear and actually no feeling at all. Part of me was like, OMG! karma...but I want you all to know that no matter how badly I was ever treated by someone, I would never wish anyone go through what I went through, because not everyone is strong enough to get through it. I believe in karma and what you do comes back to you, maybe not in this life, but in one life it will.
Do you all want to know if I responded?? I did, because when someone says they are sorry, you either accept their apology or you don't and you should tell them so. When I was angry at him, when he dumped me and ripped my heart out and threw it in the trash, the only thing I wanted from him was to say sorry and to see the way he treated me was no way to treat someone that you cared for. I got what I hoped for, what I wanted, in due time, I don't know how I would have responded if he would have admitted and said it earlier, but all I know, is that it takes a big person to admit their mistakes, and an even bigger one to forgive the person for their mistakes.
Is it ever too late? I never thought so, no matter what, it is never to late to say your sorry, to forgive, to move forward, to start anew, to love again, and to smile again.
It took me a long time to get to this point where in my heart my response to him was kind and to the point, after all this time, I feel really bad for him, because no matter how much it hurt me at the time, I know I had my family and friends to see me through it, but him..I am not sure the people in his life know the real him, and for that I am sad, because there are many people who care for him - I know I did, and deeply.
I saw something on line today, two things actually, one said..
" nothing hurts more than being ignored by the one you care about" & " relationships that start fast...end fast, so take your time."
Fitting, because V and I started fast and ended fast, and just like I was ignored by him, he is now in turn being ignored by the one who has his heart.
I learned today,that forgiveness is powerful, the universe brings you want you want, but not always when you want it, be kind to people because everything you do matters and that God truly does open one door when the other one closes.
Love & Light.
BT&HB
Friday, August 31, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
The Shadow of Hiding.
" And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." - Roald Dahl
I have had plenty of "ah" moments, the effects would sometimes last for weeks, days or a couple of hours, but nothing prepared me for the moment in which I realized, how much of my life has been spent hiding behind people and things. I have to admit, I was put on the spot last week, and I didn't know how to answer or how to defend myself...because I had nothing to hide behind. That afternoon, pushed me right out of the shadow of hiding, and into the light.
I pondered this thought afterwards, and came up with a few things that I have hidden behind or used as an excuse to not do what I need to do, or to speak my truth in fear of being hurt. I realized that I don't need to show the world my cards, that if I believe in something, I don't have to show the world that I do, I saw that no amount of rosary beads, candle, crystals, holy water, pictures and cards of angels and saint, red ribbons and all other things that we call on for guidance and protection...will actually protect me. I am not saying that I don't believe in these things, but I think I am going to take the more personal route, like wearing your heart on your sleeve, showing what you believe can also work against you. I never push my beliefs on others, nor does it bother me to see some showing how devout they are...but to the non-believer, and to the "not so good" people in the world..it throws them off and places you in the poor light, because you have found yours, and they have not.
I cleaned off my desk on Thursday, I took down all that I have surrounded myself with. It was like I placed all of the items I had in my heart and soul...not around for everyone to see. It freed me, in a really strange way...one that uncluttered my mind and heart, allowed me to hold all the angels and saints closer to me, without having to show the world the ones I love most.
We live in a funny little time, a time where people say what they want, do what they want and feel that if they can't say or do, their rights as a human are being violated. Showing the world you have thoughts and opinions are fine, but showing the world everything that makes you who you are, leaves no mystery, no guessing and no room for growth, because once someone has tagged you as a certain person, it could take a lifetime to convince them otherwise.
Who has time to live in the shadows of life? Not me, I took the high road away from that dark. stale place, and chose instead to life my life in colour, with no fear, no regrets, and once I admitted to myself all the hiding I was doing, everything is slowly becoming less of a struggle...Come out of the shadows my friends, and join me in this beautiful light that is life.
xoxo
BT&HB
I have had plenty of "ah" moments, the effects would sometimes last for weeks, days or a couple of hours, but nothing prepared me for the moment in which I realized, how much of my life has been spent hiding behind people and things. I have to admit, I was put on the spot last week, and I didn't know how to answer or how to defend myself...because I had nothing to hide behind. That afternoon, pushed me right out of the shadow of hiding, and into the light.
I pondered this thought afterwards, and came up with a few things that I have hidden behind or used as an excuse to not do what I need to do, or to speak my truth in fear of being hurt. I realized that I don't need to show the world my cards, that if I believe in something, I don't have to show the world that I do, I saw that no amount of rosary beads, candle, crystals, holy water, pictures and cards of angels and saint, red ribbons and all other things that we call on for guidance and protection...will actually protect me. I am not saying that I don't believe in these things, but I think I am going to take the more personal route, like wearing your heart on your sleeve, showing what you believe can also work against you. I never push my beliefs on others, nor does it bother me to see some showing how devout they are...but to the non-believer, and to the "not so good" people in the world..it throws them off and places you in the poor light, because you have found yours, and they have not.
I cleaned off my desk on Thursday, I took down all that I have surrounded myself with. It was like I placed all of the items I had in my heart and soul...not around for everyone to see. It freed me, in a really strange way...one that uncluttered my mind and heart, allowed me to hold all the angels and saints closer to me, without having to show the world the ones I love most.
We live in a funny little time, a time where people say what they want, do what they want and feel that if they can't say or do, their rights as a human are being violated. Showing the world you have thoughts and opinions are fine, but showing the world everything that makes you who you are, leaves no mystery, no guessing and no room for growth, because once someone has tagged you as a certain person, it could take a lifetime to convince them otherwise.
Who has time to live in the shadows of life? Not me, I took the high road away from that dark. stale place, and chose instead to life my life in colour, with no fear, no regrets, and once I admitted to myself all the hiding I was doing, everything is slowly becoming less of a struggle...Come out of the shadows my friends, and join me in this beautiful light that is life.
xoxo
BT&HB
Sunday, August 5, 2012
The Wise Words of a Stranger
Today started off as any other Sunday does for me...some mediation, prayer, coffee, water, shower, vitamins, breakfast, pack my bag and off to the gym ( which I am happy to report after months of slacking, am back on a new program and responding well..love the energy rush!). It was after I finished at the gym, that I stopped to pick up a few things before heading home, this is when I encountered the wise stranger.
I am not one to shy away from talking to strangers, never have been. According to my mother, I use to talk to everyone and anyone. People are people, nothing to be afraid of and you never know how they could impact you, good or bad. Before I tell me story, there is never really a bad meeting with a stranger, it is all how you process the person in your mind, don't look at someone with your ego, look at them with your heart, and they could never hurt you.
So, gathering my things, limping along ( my legs are screaming at me with every step I took), thinking what I am going to eat for lunch, I reached the cash. A lovely older man, one who's eyes were shining and his face was just lit like a sign on the highway..said to me, " you girls keep getting younger and younger." I said, "oh, I am old enough to be some one's mother." to which he replied, " you miss understood me sweetie, see, once I raised my voice, I took off my hearing aid, because I could hear myself again." Ah, what? didn't make any sense to me while I was talking to him and he processed my purchase, but it was an unexpected and pleasant conversation. I paid him, thanked him kindly and went on my way, not before he told me that the next time he wants a note from my teacher, cause I should be in school.
Well, I smiled the whole way out of the store, and something stopped me...he was an angel in disguise to deliver a message, the message is ...to raise my voice, and I will hear again. What most of you don't know, is that I am hard of hearing, I wasn't born this way, but somewhere around age 10, I stopped listening, therefore hearing. I know in part most of my insecurities in life have been because I could hear right, I used it as a weapon against the "mean people" but like with everything in my life, I now question; not why? but for what is the lesson and the purpose?
It seems like everything I wanted to say is trapped in my head, I have let out a lot, but I believe my wise stranger was trying to tell me, not to raise my voice per say, but to use my voice of truth, which will allow me to be who I truly am and in turn, allow me to hear the beauty in the words of others.
Unknown artist
I always tell everyone, some people are so beautiful, until they open their mouths, some, are not so pretty, but once they open their mouths, their beauty is beyond words. I heard the voice of an angel today...and that was worth all the pain, sadness, guilt and shame, because it was beyond anything I have ever heard, and I heard his words, not just with my ears...but with my heart and soul.
XOXO
BT&HB
I am not one to shy away from talking to strangers, never have been. According to my mother, I use to talk to everyone and anyone. People are people, nothing to be afraid of and you never know how they could impact you, good or bad. Before I tell me story, there is never really a bad meeting with a stranger, it is all how you process the person in your mind, don't look at someone with your ego, look at them with your heart, and they could never hurt you.
So, gathering my things, limping along ( my legs are screaming at me with every step I took), thinking what I am going to eat for lunch, I reached the cash. A lovely older man, one who's eyes were shining and his face was just lit like a sign on the highway..said to me, " you girls keep getting younger and younger." I said, "oh, I am old enough to be some one's mother." to which he replied, " you miss understood me sweetie, see, once I raised my voice, I took off my hearing aid, because I could hear myself again." Ah, what? didn't make any sense to me while I was talking to him and he processed my purchase, but it was an unexpected and pleasant conversation. I paid him, thanked him kindly and went on my way, not before he told me that the next time he wants a note from my teacher, cause I should be in school.
Well, I smiled the whole way out of the store, and something stopped me...he was an angel in disguise to deliver a message, the message is ...to raise my voice, and I will hear again. What most of you don't know, is that I am hard of hearing, I wasn't born this way, but somewhere around age 10, I stopped listening, therefore hearing. I know in part most of my insecurities in life have been because I could hear right, I used it as a weapon against the "mean people" but like with everything in my life, I now question; not why? but for what is the lesson and the purpose?
It seems like everything I wanted to say is trapped in my head, I have let out a lot, but I believe my wise stranger was trying to tell me, not to raise my voice per say, but to use my voice of truth, which will allow me to be who I truly am and in turn, allow me to hear the beauty in the words of others.
I always tell everyone, some people are so beautiful, until they open their mouths, some, are not so pretty, but once they open their mouths, their beauty is beyond words. I heard the voice of an angel today...and that was worth all the pain, sadness, guilt and shame, because it was beyond anything I have ever heard, and I heard his words, not just with my ears...but with my heart and soul.
XOXO
BT&HB
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