With Every Bad...There Is A Good.

" The whole course of human history may depend on a change of heart in one solitary and even humble individual- for it is in the solitary mind and soul of the individual that the battle between good and evil is waged and ultimately won or lost". - M. Scott Peck

What might be considered  a bad thing to one person, could be a blessing to another.  What is good for one, might be bad for the other.  Just like there are two sides to a coin, there are two ways to look at life, either bad or good...or a bit of both.

Sometimes, God sends us into the fog so we could grow, sometimes you need to be yelled at to smile about it after...sometimes, just turning your mouth into a smile, can turn a dark second into a bright one for someone else.  You know how they say, you should smile at strangers because you never know what that would mean to them.  I have taken to saying good morning to everyone I pass in my office building.  You would be surprised how shocked they look- but they always respond and their "back to work morning face", turns up into a smile and lifts not only them...but me too.

Some days are not easy, but I know and have learned that, from illness, you learn about health, from lost you learn about love, from betrayal you learn  about trust, from failure you learn success, and from anger you learn happiness. I sometimes wish that I could wake up and know all the answers and skip my way through life, that everything would be just as I dreamt or pictured, but if life doesn't challenge you, it won't change you. 

If you deem something bad in your life, try to always see a good, don't look back at the past, or too far ahead in the future, just look at today, right now. 

 Right now, the sun is setting for the day, my tummy is full, I had an amazing work out, my mind is calm,  my ears are not ringing, I have my angels around me, I feel loved and protected...and right now, in this moment, life has taken my breath away. 

xoxo
BT&HB

Turning The Page & Closing A Chapter

I turned the last page on a chapter of my life this week. It came in with a bang and gave me a sense of calm, peace and excitement...because I am throwing out the pen and the book...and I am starting anew.

For years it seemed like the same story was playing over and over, I was just writing about different players, different clothes, different jobs..but the story always reminded the same...until this week.

I turned a page on Thursday, it all became so clear, I say too much, and to not always well meaning people.  I am not saying that you shouldn't share your joys and pains with people, just don't share everything about yourself.  In a time of facebook, twitter, text messaging , email and all the manner of posting, sharing all aspects of your life to the world wide web...some times you put too much out there, and that could hurt you in life.

I realized that my intuition was trying to tell me to stop talking, and listen.  It is my turn to remain silent and listen, really listen.  I talk a lot, love talking, my brother actually ask when I stop to breath ...but there is something deeper and much more important that I am suppose to be listening too - and I know that it is the voice that I didn't want to hear, the voice that tells the truth and the one, that until this week I heard, but was afraid to take her hand.

That hand and voice is the one of my intuition.  Accepting that you hear your inner voice and are not afraid to act on what guidance your given takes a lot of guts.  I know it won't be easy, but I can tell you that everyday it gets easier, everyday, you get stronger, everyday, no one can make you feel less of yourself, no one can bring you down or throw you off track..because you will not need the approval or the guidance of others..because your best counsel is within you. 

No matter what came to pass by your words or actions, no matter how painful they were to you or others, the truly loving and compassionate ones, can take that and make good of the bad, turn the suffering into a lesson, tears of sadness into tears of joy, darkness into light.

Helen Keller once said about her path in life...

" I chose this ( being blind and deaf) so I could teach the blind to see and the deaf to hear." She was talking about us, because we even with vision, we don't see, and with hearing we don't hear.

My new chapters is starting....are you with me?


XOXO
BT&HB

Rejection... Never Felt So Good

Yup, you read that right, rejection, never felt so good! And yes my readers, I got rejected today by my manager...and what a gift it was.

Let me give you a little back ground information, I work for a national law firm and have been working under the same woman for the last 5 years. Every year and a half, we seem to lose our coordinator, either due to them leaving for something better, babies, better pay, hours etc, the lasted one is leaving us ( or might not be leaving us) sometime around the end of this year.  She according to my manager is the " most smartest, amazing and professional coordinator I have ever had"..so you like to think, if only she knew what she does on the other side of that partition wall - she would sing a different tune. My current co-worker, leaving/might be leaving due to her husband's work, no word yet, and everything is at a stand still until she tells us that she is either staying or leaving, not fair if you ask me...cause she has only been with us for a year and a bit.

So, I went to my manager to inquire about something she needed to discuss with the director of our department ( which for the second time now, she answered...I have no idea).  I asked her about our coordinator's situation, because honestly, how many times do I and she have to go through this?? She said that thinking about having to start all over again, training, me getting to know them ( WTF?) it gives her pains.  I explained to her that she doesn't have to worry about me getting use to them, they have to get use to me...I was and still am here first after all.  Then I said to her, well, honestly, I think that you should train me for the position.  She stared at me for a second and launched into how I lack the schooling ( not true, have take two sections that is required), how that was the plan from the beginning but it " didn't quite work out that way", ( at this I was shocked, what in the name of God's green earth was she talking about???) no one told me that is what they had planned, they had told me they wanted to train me as back up, but not to have that job, as we always had a coordinator..I said, well, since we knew a  good 6 months in advance, we could start now...at that she said, " do you feel that you are ready for that job??" I said yes and no, but I am able to do much more than what I am doing. 

It dawned on me right at that second, I always hoped that she had faith in me and that she gave me more credit that what I heard or saw...and in that moment, everything became clear, she doesn't trust me, or think me smart enough, or worthy of the job.  She sees me as the picture she painted..and that made me want to laugh at her...because at that second, she gave me the power I needed to take the next step.  I have been sending out my resume and so far only one call...but I wasn't putting in the 110% that my Scorpio self is know to do.  I am free, I know now how she feels about me and I was totally shot down, and it didn't make me angry at all - because that is what I needed to hear, a confirmation that the little ego voice in my head saying..." just stick around, she values your work, she knows your smart..everything will come in time.." well, I am now more than ever motivated to move forward, grab the bull by the horns, and when the next storm hits my department, I am not going to be the one shielding  her from the winds...this time, your on your own.

I have managed people before, many more than she has, but during the course of our conversation, she keep saying, " you can have my job, or find another one if your bored.." she is so bipolar I don't care to try to understand her anymore...it just makes my brain hurt, I would never shoot down someone the way she did me, considering through all 5 coordinators, I am the only constant...nothing will change until she does, until she gives up being so controlling and so unbending, she has to trust, let go and allow us to grow...and anything she says, doesn't hold ground with me anymore, nor do I believe her...because I can see right through her...and she is scared and fed up ( I would be too if I was her..) but she made her bed, now she has to lie in it.

What am I happy about?  Well, for one thing...I saw how smart and hard working I truly am, how much influence I have over my own life, how the key to happiness at work is in my hand, and I am ready to put the key in the lock and open that door,  how she can no longer gut me, or make me feel less of myself, how she doesn't have a backbone and how foolish I have been..but during that time, I needed to be foolish...because otherwise I would have made the same mistake again and never learned my self-worth .

I think of the future, do I want to stay as I am, or do I want a ride to fame and fortune with happiness and health following me on my travels throughout this adventure called life? For those of you with me on this journey...hope you have a helmet & buckle up...because I am moving full speed ahead.

XOXO
BT&HB

The Battle

"Who chains you? Who holds the key to set you free? It's you - you have all the weapons you need, now fight."


Battles, they say we can pick and chose our battles, some you have no choice to fight, because they are given to you for a reason, what if you can't see or don't want to see the reason?  What if you doubt you have the ability to fight this battle? That is what I feel right now, at this second.

Friday I felt sick to my stomach.  Most of it was due to mixing the wrong food on an empty stomach.  Let me tell you, I thought I was dying, the energy in me was on fire, I could not stand or lie down...it was the hardest 7 hours of my life...but there was a lesson, because today, I still feel weak and gutted.  What battle am I fighting? And do I have the right weapons to fight it?

The battle that is raging inside of me has me tired, depleted, down, sad, lost for words and no thought of  how to get out of this battle field.  Part of me knows that the major reason why I still feel the physical symptoms of the stomach pain, is because I have to act on what I feel.  I am holding back from moving forward, I doubt and fear moving forward.  I have come a long way, but the one thing that is keeping me from letting my light fully shine out to everyone and help, not only myself, both others...is me. 

I am scared, scared that what if what I am attempting to change backfires? What if it takes me 20 years like it took me to reach the point I am at now? These are ego fears and I know that, but there is something sitting in my solar plexus waiting to come out.  I meditated this morning and asked God and the universe to take this fear and doubt, and heal me, heal me of the self-sabotage, and all the poison I have heard from others, and the poison I placed in my own body. I had cold chills while my hands were burning, I was crying, felt weight on my chest and stomach...but most of all, I felt overcome by tears, because I am the cause of these feelings, and I don't know how to get out of it.

The battle has begun,  my cross is around my neck, my prayers are for guidance, healing and strength and my weapons are loaded. I will bring to battle all that I have learned about myself, all that I have faith in, and know that the only person I will ever surrender to is God. He has given me everything I need, now it is up to me to fight.

XOXO
BT&HB

Acceptance

Tuesday's are not good days for me, so I use to think.  Some people dislike Monday's, not me, Tuesday's aren't  blue days for me per say, it is the day that I feel physically sick, my head hurts, my stomach feels like someone punched me, everything in my body hurts, even the roots of my hair...why I asked myself, is the reason for this "sick Tuesday"?

Since I have embarked on this new path six months ago, many things have turned my whole life  upside down.  At first I was scared of everything that was happening, thinking the worst and wondering if there was really something physically wrong with me, or my ego shouting..." what are you thinking?  Your really gonna believe that you can actually do that?? who are you kidding??" to wanting to throw in the towel and just give up.  Until I realized that just like when you are cleaning out your body, you have to get worst before you get better, when you release long held beliefs and emotions, the same thing happens, you have to get worst before you get better. 

Last week on Tuesday, I felt like I had a near death experience, the anger inside of me, the hurt was like I set my internal oven on 500 and just let myself roast.  When the fire died, I swore I would never have another day like that - but something was telling that I have a few more emotions to release, they won't be as bad, but they won't be pleasant.  This morning started with a massive ringing in both my ears, I prayed and carried my healing crystals in my pocket, asked for protection and surrendered this pain to God and my angels.  But by noon, the noise had me by the neck, so I took my lunch and found a quite spot to give myself some healing light.  During that time...from the depth of my solar plexus, came a noise, and a voice....my voice, saying..." G, I love you, and accept you just as you are.  Your strong, beautiful and smart, and I love you truly." This voice started the tears of happiness flowing, for in that little time I sat in silence - I let go of my inner critic.  I finally accepted myself, body, mind and soul - just the way I am.

When I returned to my desk, I felt better, more at peace...and in love, truly with me.  It is a beautiful feeling to allow myself to accept me, because for so long I was seeking acceptance from others to make me who I am.  I am not going to say that the ringing has stopped, it is actually louder right now, but I know that once I settle for the night and get a good healing sleep, tomorrow will be a new and bright day because...

I found the love of my life, the one that accepts me as I am, no matter what I had done to my body or soul, no matter how hard I was on myself, she waited silently to be remembered, to be brought back to life, to be heard, and to reclaim her voice...I found ME.

                                                       daskull.deviantart.com    
xoxo
BT&HB

What You Hide, Can Hurt You.

"Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ian’t goin' away. " - Elvis Presley



In a world of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. Tell the truth is about freedom. It is about being happy, at peace, healthy and living a meaningful and loving life. Telling the truth is about feeling good about who you are and feeling good in your own skin. But lies often seem easier to tell... than the truth.



Many people have grown so accustomed to telling lies; they no longer know what their truth is. I have had many people say, “I don't lie.." ya, right, those words have flown out of my mouth just after having told a bold face lie. It takes guts to tell the truth about how you feel and what you stand for.



I wrote in a previous post, the truth shall set you free. It does set you free, but also makes you take a long hard look at yourself and why you tell the little lies you do. People have told me," What I don't know, won't hurt me"; I would rather know than be a fool while everyone else knows the truth. I have been lied to, many times, big and small, by bosses, boyfriends, friends and family. I have always tried to be honest and open with everyone, but I have also hidden a lot. I have always said, I like to talk, but no one really knows what I hold in my heart. Hiding things can hurt you, almost like you feel ashamed of who you are, where you come from or what you’re doing with your life. I have to admit, I have felt ashamed, therefore have lied, you lie once; you have to remember the lie you told, and use another to cover them up.



Lying could be something as simple as agreeing with your manager when you really don't, saying yes, when you mean no, doing something against your inner voice, just to please another...or being someone you’re not, to cover for the lies of another. Illnesses are sometimes the body's way of saying.." enough of this, we tried everything else, so now we are going to force you to change".



Changing from a voice and life of lies, to a life of truth and happiness is a wonderful, beautiful, eye-opening and exciting thing. I never knew how much the little lies made me sick, even the ones I told myself. Once I was honest with myself, once I released my anger, hate and blame against others ...it is as if, the sky opened, and God and angels said, "we have waited for you for such a long time, we have always been with you, and waited for the day you would be ready to follow your divine path in life..". I feel blessed and filled with gratitude more than there are words, for finding my truth, and release the hurt of lies.



Each day be aware of your truths, if you don't tell the truth, ask yourself why? Start within your heart, and ask for courage and strength to tell the truth, not only to others...but more importantly to yourself.



I once heard in a movie..."hate put me in prison, but love will set me free.." . Don't make yourself a prisoner ...set yourself free.



xoxo

BT&HB