Acceptance

Tuesday's are not good days for me, so I use to think.  Some people dislike Monday's, not me, Tuesday's aren't  blue days for me per say, it is the day that I feel physically sick, my head hurts, my stomach feels like someone punched me, everything in my body hurts, even the roots of my hair...why I asked myself, is the reason for this "sick Tuesday"?

Since I have embarked on this new path six months ago, many things have turned my whole life  upside down.  At first I was scared of everything that was happening, thinking the worst and wondering if there was really something physically wrong with me, or my ego shouting..." what are you thinking?  Your really gonna believe that you can actually do that?? who are you kidding??" to wanting to throw in the towel and just give up.  Until I realized that just like when you are cleaning out your body, you have to get worst before you get better, when you release long held beliefs and emotions, the same thing happens, you have to get worst before you get better. 

Last week on Tuesday, I felt like I had a near death experience, the anger inside of me, the hurt was like I set my internal oven on 500 and just let myself roast.  When the fire died, I swore I would never have another day like that - but something was telling that I have a few more emotions to release, they won't be as bad, but they won't be pleasant.  This morning started with a massive ringing in both my ears, I prayed and carried my healing crystals in my pocket, asked for protection and surrendered this pain to God and my angels.  But by noon, the noise had me by the neck, so I took my lunch and found a quite spot to give myself some healing light.  During that time...from the depth of my solar plexus, came a noise, and a voice....my voice, saying..." G, I love you, and accept you just as you are.  Your strong, beautiful and smart, and I love you truly." This voice started the tears of happiness flowing, for in that little time I sat in silence - I let go of my inner critic.  I finally accepted myself, body, mind and soul - just the way I am.

When I returned to my desk, I felt better, more at peace...and in love, truly with me.  It is a beautiful feeling to allow myself to accept me, because for so long I was seeking acceptance from others to make me who I am.  I am not going to say that the ringing has stopped, it is actually louder right now, but I know that once I settle for the night and get a good healing sleep, tomorrow will be a new and bright day because...

I found the love of my life, the one that accepts me as I am, no matter what I had done to my body or soul, no matter how hard I was on myself, she waited silently to be remembered, to be brought back to life, to be heard, and to reclaim her voice...I found ME.

                                                       daskull.deviantart.com    
xoxo
BT&HB