Good question don't you think? As always post idea came to me after I had a conversation with two people who are very dear and close to me today. Are we ever freed from our mistakes of the past?? I think to a point, yes, however...sometimes your not allowed to forget.
I know that I have made mistakes in the past, I have caused my family constant disappointment and worry and I have screwed up more times than I would like to admit...but the mistakes and problems were mine and mine alone...I never blamed anyone for how my life turned out or what happen to me. I learned on my road of knowing myself...that I created the problems, that I was to blame for how I chose not to see what everyone else saw. It took me a long time to reach the point I am at right now. I am not going to let anyone stand in the way of my happiness...I deserve to be happy, and happy with how my life is I am.
What I write on this blog is a journal of sort, a place where only a few close to me know who I am and about this blog, the rest of you are strangers...who might or might not get something from my blog...it doesn't matter to me if it is well received or not..this is a space for me to write what I would love to scream from the roof tops. I am happy....happier than I have ever been, I am in a good place, I was two months ago, last week and today. I understand that people are concerned about how fast my relationship with V is progressing, but believe me, all I want is to share how good he is and how much we both understand each other, spoken or unspoken. I don't and never have judge anyone or their relationship...but there is a fine line for me...and it hurt, when I have good intentions with my family and V being a part of it...so please, let me be happy...history will not repeat itself, because I am not the same girl I was, nor will I ever go back to that dark place. Take the words of my previous post any way you want...not fair to judge without knowing what was said or why..if you don't understand, ask me...listen to me, I love you...but a lecture is the last thing I want and the first thing that will push me away...you know that.
Forget that it happened, I have made peace with it and have forgiven the bastard, and don't wish him ill...not all guys are like F ...and I am being honest, if I love him...then let me love him and be happy...I learn from my mistakes, not the mistakes of others. I support everyone in my family with everything thing that they want to do...I have helped, prayed, cried, worried and loved all of you with all my heart. I have never felt this way before...and this is real, not imagined or felt more on my part...he does care about me very deeply..and my happiness and how he wants to be different with me than he ever was with anyone else ...like I want to be me for him. Extreme or not...I am who I am...love me or not ...but I love you, always have and always will.
So let the past go, please don't remind me of the mistakes - support me and know that no matter how much it may seem like it doesn't matter what you think...it does, and I want nothing more than for once to have approval of the people I love the most in the world ...and that S, is you and Mama. Be there and know that I always have been..I don't want to disappoint you or her ...but I need you to be proud of the woman that I have become ...because without either of you...I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have.
As always ...I mean it and I am sorry...Ti amo.
xoxo
BT&HB
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Is Right Love better than Great Love....??
Monday brought the season finale of one of my obsessions...Gossip Girl. Chuck Bass uttered these words to the woman he loves more than anything in the world...before letting her go to have not great love, but right love. As much as it pained Chuck to let Blair go, as he told her...there is a difference between great love, and good love.
So, let that be the topic of this blog, as I find myself falling in love with V...scary thought considering my world has been turned upside down and all around in one month, considering that how much I miss him when he is not here beside me, how much his presence just calms me...how his touch or how he kisses my hand...tells me all that is unspoken...all of it.
Which is better? Right love or great love? I think they are both good, but if I had to chose, I would chose great love...as that love is always the most consuming, passionate, dark, intense, and beautiful. Right love is good too, safe, simple, caring. I have always been a passionate person with everything, but more so with whom I falling in love with. I was telling V this morning, that the reason I love the Twilight books ( yup, and he laughed at me for having pictures of the vampires in the book saved on my computer..), is that the moral of the story is not good against evil, or getting the girl, but no matter who you love in your life, you might love someone more or another less, but there will always be only one person that you will love differently than anyone else. That to me is great love, loving someone with all your heart, missing them when they are gone, wanting to hear them even for a second, having them call you their Bella, kissing your hand over and over, holding you with care in their arms as your rest together, but also, being there to hold your hand when you tell them the dark parts of your life, encouraging you when your having a bad day, and knowing, that no matter what life throws your way- that he will be there for you.
Some might call me a fool or tell me that I am throwing caution to the wind with V...but I can't explain how I feel without say, and without doubt...that this relationship is becoming a great love. The reason I know this, is because he told me from the beginning that he was selfish when it came to riding his motorcycle with his friends, and I told him...I completely understand. But he told me that he wants to stop being selfish, for me, he doesn't want to do that to me, and that I shouldn't allow him to do that. I told him, I don't want to tell you not to do something, because then you will resent me, and that is not what I want or who I am. I told him that he could ride all he wants, and break plans with me to do so...so long as he make me a part of it, some how , some way. The look that was giving to me by those big brown eyes...is the look of a man totally enchanted. Good love is easy...two people love each other and are simple, great love, is made from the ashes of bad past relationships, personal hurts, and failures. V rose from his ashes when he spoke those words to me ...and I rose from mine, when I replied.
Are you with your great love? Or are you with your good love? Love is love, no matter what type...because being able to love is a gift from God, by him loving us, it enabled us, to love others...
As the song goes.. ".Listen to your heart, when he is calling for you..."
xoxo
BT&HB
So, let that be the topic of this blog, as I find myself falling in love with V...scary thought considering my world has been turned upside down and all around in one month, considering that how much I miss him when he is not here beside me, how much his presence just calms me...how his touch or how he kisses my hand...tells me all that is unspoken...all of it.
Which is better? Right love or great love? I think they are both good, but if I had to chose, I would chose great love...as that love is always the most consuming, passionate, dark, intense, and beautiful. Right love is good too, safe, simple, caring. I have always been a passionate person with everything, but more so with whom I falling in love with. I was telling V this morning, that the reason I love the Twilight books ( yup, and he laughed at me for having pictures of the vampires in the book saved on my computer..), is that the moral of the story is not good against evil, or getting the girl, but no matter who you love in your life, you might love someone more or another less, but there will always be only one person that you will love differently than anyone else. That to me is great love, loving someone with all your heart, missing them when they are gone, wanting to hear them even for a second, having them call you their Bella, kissing your hand over and over, holding you with care in their arms as your rest together, but also, being there to hold your hand when you tell them the dark parts of your life, encouraging you when your having a bad day, and knowing, that no matter what life throws your way- that he will be there for you.
Some might call me a fool or tell me that I am throwing caution to the wind with V...but I can't explain how I feel without say, and without doubt...that this relationship is becoming a great love. The reason I know this, is because he told me from the beginning that he was selfish when it came to riding his motorcycle with his friends, and I told him...I completely understand. But he told me that he wants to stop being selfish, for me, he doesn't want to do that to me, and that I shouldn't allow him to do that. I told him, I don't want to tell you not to do something, because then you will resent me, and that is not what I want or who I am. I told him that he could ride all he wants, and break plans with me to do so...so long as he make me a part of it, some how , some way. The look that was giving to me by those big brown eyes...is the look of a man totally enchanted. Good love is easy...two people love each other and are simple, great love, is made from the ashes of bad past relationships, personal hurts, and failures. V rose from his ashes when he spoke those words to me ...and I rose from mine, when I replied.
Are you with your great love? Or are you with your good love? Love is love, no matter what type...because being able to love is a gift from God, by him loving us, it enabled us, to love others...
As the song goes.. ".Listen to your heart, when he is calling for you..."
xoxo
BT&HB
Friday, May 20, 2011
"Feel it, Own it...and then Let it Go."
The above words were spoken by my yoga teacher on Wednesday night. Thank heavens for Melissa and my fellow yoga mates that night...thank God!
See, Wednesday was not a good day, I ended up in a very dark place in my mind from my past..which just sucked me in faster than you can suck..well, anything. I am going to try to explain this the best way I can.
7 years ago I dated someone who from the beginning I should have stayed away from, who from the first time he left me outside in -28 degree weather with no ride ( yes, I was that stupid)..should have according to my sister ran for the hills and not come out, or until my father showed up on his bike with a shot gun..hahaha and speak of the devil was driving beside me last night..this city is way too small. Don't get me wrong, we had good times, but mostly at the expense of my own happiness, it was always about what would make him happy and not me. He was a tortured soul, with problems of his own, and I was not so happy with myself either..so anyway he would show me love..I would take it. I would let all the bad things take the back seat and let that little one nice thing he do last for weeks. I am not proud of the person I was when I was with him, everyone, I mean everyone..told me I was a different person with him and around him..almost afraid, scared. Don't get me started on the fights..those where the worst, according to him I was the reason he drank, smoked, and didn't like his job. I was never pretty enough, skinny enough or smart enough for him and is douche-bag Woodbridge friends ( even though some of them saved me from him many times - I thank you FM and RR..you two are the best friends any one could ask for).
Why did I stay? Because in part I believe I didn't deserve better. I know that I deserve so much more, not only from a man, but from myself. I know I am smart, strong ( because the day I reached my limit, I told him we talk or it is over, he said...it is about what he wants and what he say..if I don't like it, pick a door and use it...and I did, never ,ever looking back). I guess where I am going with this is because V said something in passing and as a joke on Tuesday night..that just sat the wrong way with me. I was so messed up and so sad on Wednesday I could do nothing to stop the feeling of bursting into tears at the drop of a hat or the thought of the comment. That is where Melissa struck a vein. She told us that when something triggers a traumatic memory in us, don't bury it...feel it, own it and then let it go. When we bury things, they will always come back and hunt us or bite us in the ass..one or the other, unless we face them, and deal with the root of them..we will never be free.
I chose that night to feel that horrible feeling of being used and useless that night...I inhaled all the pain, and exhaled all the hurt, shame, and guilt I have felt for so long because I stayed with F and because of how I didn't respect myself enough to tell him to go to hell where he belongs. It is not over, I know there are things that I need to face and work through, I know that I love me more than I did 7 years ago, I know that when V asked me the first time about the scar on my back that I turned away and couldn't tell him..but I will have to one day. I did tell V about how that relationship is why I am so guarded with my feelings and how I react to things that are said and done...because we carry the bags from our last relationships ..even though in the new one..it never means the same as it did in the old one...just like your new jeans never fit the same as your old ones...know what I mean?
As I meditated that night...I cried, I cried and had the support of all the wonderful people in my class, they didn't ask questions or judge..they just sat there with me and gave me support..it was a long time coming , but I knew that is why I wanted to study yoga...because it in part has helped me heal from wounds that I have keep hidden from everyone. They allowed me a safe place to cry, and heal...and haven that I wish I would have found years ago, better late than never.
With that...I broke open, allowed the pain to come to the surface, I felt it, I owned it ....and finally....I let it go.
xoxo
BT&HB
See, Wednesday was not a good day, I ended up in a very dark place in my mind from my past..which just sucked me in faster than you can suck..well, anything. I am going to try to explain this the best way I can.
7 years ago I dated someone who from the beginning I should have stayed away from, who from the first time he left me outside in -28 degree weather with no ride ( yes, I was that stupid)..should have according to my sister ran for the hills and not come out, or until my father showed up on his bike with a shot gun..hahaha and speak of the devil was driving beside me last night..this city is way too small. Don't get me wrong, we had good times, but mostly at the expense of my own happiness, it was always about what would make him happy and not me. He was a tortured soul, with problems of his own, and I was not so happy with myself either..so anyway he would show me love..I would take it. I would let all the bad things take the back seat and let that little one nice thing he do last for weeks. I am not proud of the person I was when I was with him, everyone, I mean everyone..told me I was a different person with him and around him..almost afraid, scared. Don't get me started on the fights..those where the worst, according to him I was the reason he drank, smoked, and didn't like his job. I was never pretty enough, skinny enough or smart enough for him and is douche-bag Woodbridge friends ( even though some of them saved me from him many times - I thank you FM and RR..you two are the best friends any one could ask for).
Why did I stay? Because in part I believe I didn't deserve better. I know that I deserve so much more, not only from a man, but from myself. I know I am smart, strong ( because the day I reached my limit, I told him we talk or it is over, he said...it is about what he wants and what he say..if I don't like it, pick a door and use it...and I did, never ,ever looking back). I guess where I am going with this is because V said something in passing and as a joke on Tuesday night..that just sat the wrong way with me. I was so messed up and so sad on Wednesday I could do nothing to stop the feeling of bursting into tears at the drop of a hat or the thought of the comment. That is where Melissa struck a vein. She told us that when something triggers a traumatic memory in us, don't bury it...feel it, own it and then let it go. When we bury things, they will always come back and hunt us or bite us in the ass..one or the other, unless we face them, and deal with the root of them..we will never be free.
I chose that night to feel that horrible feeling of being used and useless that night...I inhaled all the pain, and exhaled all the hurt, shame, and guilt I have felt for so long because I stayed with F and because of how I didn't respect myself enough to tell him to go to hell where he belongs. It is not over, I know there are things that I need to face and work through, I know that I love me more than I did 7 years ago, I know that when V asked me the first time about the scar on my back that I turned away and couldn't tell him..but I will have to one day. I did tell V about how that relationship is why I am so guarded with my feelings and how I react to things that are said and done...because we carry the bags from our last relationships ..even though in the new one..it never means the same as it did in the old one...just like your new jeans never fit the same as your old ones...know what I mean?
As I meditated that night...I cried, I cried and had the support of all the wonderful people in my class, they didn't ask questions or judge..they just sat there with me and gave me support..it was a long time coming , but I knew that is why I wanted to study yoga...because it in part has helped me heal from wounds that I have keep hidden from everyone. They allowed me a safe place to cry, and heal...and haven that I wish I would have found years ago, better late than never.
With that...I broke open, allowed the pain to come to the surface, I felt it, I owned it ....and finally....I let it go.
xoxo
BT&HB
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Know your Limits
" Will you teach me to fight?" I asked V, a level 5 black belt, "no, I won't teach you to fight...but I will teach you to defend yourself, lesson one; know your limits, lesson two..know your surroundings.."
The idea came to me today as I was driving home from a family party. I was suppose to meet up with V after the party, but since the last few hours at his work were not good, he was not in a happy place and just wanted to forget...and be alone. Which brought me to remember my limits. Before, I would panic...yup, I was one of those girls who thought that if the guy I was seeing or dating didn't want to see me I must have done something to provoke them to not want to see me. My ex put me though 10 types of hell...hammered my self-esteem, ruined my self-image and just made me crazy. It took me a long time to remember who I was before I met F, and how I never took shit from anyone...girl or guy, how I loved how I looked and was damn proud of the person I was. I found myself again, and was happy with my life when I met V. He calms me..makes me feel like the most smartest, and beautiful person in the world, but like I have a dark side, so does he. I have met his family, the most important test I passed last night...and that was with his sister. They are very close and if she didn't like me...she would not have spoken to me, or let me hold her new born son. When I left the room for a second..V told me that when I had left the room his sister said " V, she is a nice girl and don't be stupid..". I was worried more about meeting her than his parents. He told me after when I thanked him for taking me to see her, that I mean enough to him to allow me to meet his family. So, I realized today and am proud of myself for not slipping back into the dark place of my past and thinking that I must run and make sure that he still likes me, or call him to soothe my own insecurities, that yesterday he was happy with me, and this morning, and that work and just wanting to be alone is okay.
We all slip back to old habits from time to time...V taught me a valuable lesson ...know your limits. I know my limits with him and our relationship, I still don't know everything about him, or how he reacts, but I did let him know that I am there for him and if he needs me to call. There is nothing you can do when someone wants to be alone...when they are ready, and they know their limits, they will be ready to come back into the sunshine of a beautiful relationship, which I know I have with him. Learning about someone is also learning about yourself...I have always been a dark one ( you should have seen the outfit I had on today...I don't do flowers or really girly..french chic more sexy than pretty..lol). But that is me, and I know where he is coming from and how tomorrow he will be better because as always and never fails by the miracle of God..the sun rises in the East and a new day begins.
My nephew is half in love with him already...he made me smile when I saw him today and he said...." wow zia, you look beautiful, you should have worn that to go out with V ..." . By the time the party was winding down, I had found that V didn't want company today, and my nephew again ( my 10 year old voice of reason), gave me a hug and said.." Don't worry zia, he still loves you...he is just in a bad mood and doesn't want to take you down too." Smart kid, really smart kid. You have to love the truthfulness of a 10 year old, because they see things with an un-clouded mind...and you know what...I believe him, and that made me remember...he liked me yesterday, and today...tomorrow he will have missed me more than ever, and you know what??? I have missed him even more right back.
So my friends, remember that the sun will always rise with a promise of a new day, that love and feelings don't change in a few hours, relationship are learning about yourself and the other...and knowing your limits.
xoxo
BT&HB
The idea came to me today as I was driving home from a family party. I was suppose to meet up with V after the party, but since the last few hours at his work were not good, he was not in a happy place and just wanted to forget...and be alone. Which brought me to remember my limits. Before, I would panic...yup, I was one of those girls who thought that if the guy I was seeing or dating didn't want to see me I must have done something to provoke them to not want to see me. My ex put me though 10 types of hell...hammered my self-esteem, ruined my self-image and just made me crazy. It took me a long time to remember who I was before I met F, and how I never took shit from anyone...girl or guy, how I loved how I looked and was damn proud of the person I was. I found myself again, and was happy with my life when I met V. He calms me..makes me feel like the most smartest, and beautiful person in the world, but like I have a dark side, so does he. I have met his family, the most important test I passed last night...and that was with his sister. They are very close and if she didn't like me...she would not have spoken to me, or let me hold her new born son. When I left the room for a second..V told me that when I had left the room his sister said " V, she is a nice girl and don't be stupid..". I was worried more about meeting her than his parents. He told me after when I thanked him for taking me to see her, that I mean enough to him to allow me to meet his family. So, I realized today and am proud of myself for not slipping back into the dark place of my past and thinking that I must run and make sure that he still likes me, or call him to soothe my own insecurities, that yesterday he was happy with me, and this morning, and that work and just wanting to be alone is okay.
We all slip back to old habits from time to time...V taught me a valuable lesson ...know your limits. I know my limits with him and our relationship, I still don't know everything about him, or how he reacts, but I did let him know that I am there for him and if he needs me to call. There is nothing you can do when someone wants to be alone...when they are ready, and they know their limits, they will be ready to come back into the sunshine of a beautiful relationship, which I know I have with him. Learning about someone is also learning about yourself...I have always been a dark one ( you should have seen the outfit I had on today...I don't do flowers or really girly..french chic more sexy than pretty..lol). But that is me, and I know where he is coming from and how tomorrow he will be better because as always and never fails by the miracle of God..the sun rises in the East and a new day begins.
My nephew is half in love with him already...he made me smile when I saw him today and he said...." wow zia, you look beautiful, you should have worn that to go out with V ..." . By the time the party was winding down, I had found that V didn't want company today, and my nephew again ( my 10 year old voice of reason), gave me a hug and said.." Don't worry zia, he still loves you...he is just in a bad mood and doesn't want to take you down too." Smart kid, really smart kid. You have to love the truthfulness of a 10 year old, because they see things with an un-clouded mind...and you know what...I believe him, and that made me remember...he liked me yesterday, and today...tomorrow he will have missed me more than ever, and you know what??? I have missed him even more right back.
So my friends, remember that the sun will always rise with a promise of a new day, that love and feelings don't change in a few hours, relationship are learning about yourself and the other...and knowing your limits.
xoxo
BT&HB
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Going with the Flow ...
As you know from my previous post, I have every reason to be on cloud nine...in more ways than one. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't need a guy to make me happy...but everything does look better when your in that first blush of a relationship. Little bit premature to say "relationship", truly, I don't see it going on any other road, but that one.
I always wondered WTF people were talking about when they said love at first sight..or just knowing they are the "one". I had many relationships, bad ones, boring ones, fun ones, passionate ones...but this is different. I never felt this way before, almost like we don't need to "impress" one another, that the comfort level is there and it is easy between us. Who give someone a pet name after a few days? Well, I have one, he calls me bella and doesn't miss one day without telling me how beautiful I am to him and how he misses me. His sister gave birth this week and he texted me telling me that I don't know how much he wanted me there with him...I haven't met his family yet ( that is a bit too early for me), which brings me to another point.
I have always been guarded with my feelings, just habit or a fear of being hurt, or wanting or liking the other person more than they like me...I have had my heart broken so many times..but with V I know that he will never break my heart, he will hold it with care in his hands ( and he has the strongest hands I have ever seen!). We spent a wonderful Friday night together and we had a great time just being with each other. On Saturday morning I felt sad for some reason..and I realized that it was the old feeling of them not wanting me the next day for something I said or did..stopping myself from feeling that was a huge step for me..I stopped and told the doubt and fear to go fax itself and file it under B for bullshit, because he gave me no indication that he didn't want to see me again. All woman do that, but so do men. Overcoming your fear of rejection and looking at yourself as a worthy person, takes a lot of self-esteem. My self-esteem and love for myself, is what drew V to me in the first place...when your happy with yourself, someone to share that happiness with you, will be drawn to you like a magnet.
Virgo Man & Scorpio Woman
" The relationship between a Virgo man and a Scorpio woman will result in great compatibility. Both of them gel with each other beautifully, making up the other's disability now and then, making a perfect union. There are numerous characteristics which are common to both hence, things will turn out to be very pleasant at the end. While the Scorpio female is overly expressive, the Virgo male may turn out to be impassive. However, they would hold deep sense of admiration for each other - he would have high regards for her strength and resolve and she, in turn would respect his need for perfection." - indiaserver.com
This just blew my mind...if that doesn't sound like myself and V..I don't know what does. Children just know things adults refuse to see...or admit. My nephew asked me on Friday.." your going out with the same guy again?" yes, I said..." is he nice?" yes, very nice I replied, and to that he asked when he will meet him and he is coming to his birthday party. As much as that freaked me out...the truth of the matter is, going with the flow...brings you all the things you crave and are afraid of...in order for you to go with the flow and get swept away.
Like I have told all my girlfriends..."don't worry, a guy will come along and knock you right on your ass..." consider me knocked on my ass and blown away.
xoxo
BT&HB
P.S. The song with you by Chris Brown reminds me of V and gets better every single time I listen to it.
I always wondered WTF people were talking about when they said love at first sight..or just knowing they are the "one". I had many relationships, bad ones, boring ones, fun ones, passionate ones...but this is different. I never felt this way before, almost like we don't need to "impress" one another, that the comfort level is there and it is easy between us. Who give someone a pet name after a few days? Well, I have one, he calls me bella and doesn't miss one day without telling me how beautiful I am to him and how he misses me. His sister gave birth this week and he texted me telling me that I don't know how much he wanted me there with him...I haven't met his family yet ( that is a bit too early for me), which brings me to another point.
I have always been guarded with my feelings, just habit or a fear of being hurt, or wanting or liking the other person more than they like me...I have had my heart broken so many times..but with V I know that he will never break my heart, he will hold it with care in his hands ( and he has the strongest hands I have ever seen!). We spent a wonderful Friday night together and we had a great time just being with each other. On Saturday morning I felt sad for some reason..and I realized that it was the old feeling of them not wanting me the next day for something I said or did..stopping myself from feeling that was a huge step for me..I stopped and told the doubt and fear to go fax itself and file it under B for bullshit, because he gave me no indication that he didn't want to see me again. All woman do that, but so do men. Overcoming your fear of rejection and looking at yourself as a worthy person, takes a lot of self-esteem. My self-esteem and love for myself, is what drew V to me in the first place...when your happy with yourself, someone to share that happiness with you, will be drawn to you like a magnet.
Virgo Man & Scorpio Woman
" The relationship between a Virgo man and a Scorpio woman will result in great compatibility. Both of them gel with each other beautifully, making up the other's disability now and then, making a perfect union. There are numerous characteristics which are common to both hence, things will turn out to be very pleasant at the end. While the Scorpio female is overly expressive, the Virgo male may turn out to be impassive. However, they would hold deep sense of admiration for each other - he would have high regards for her strength and resolve and she, in turn would respect his need for perfection." - indiaserver.com
This just blew my mind...if that doesn't sound like myself and V..I don't know what does. Children just know things adults refuse to see...or admit. My nephew asked me on Friday.." your going out with the same guy again?" yes, I said..." is he nice?" yes, very nice I replied, and to that he asked when he will meet him and he is coming to his birthday party. As much as that freaked me out...the truth of the matter is, going with the flow...brings you all the things you crave and are afraid of...in order for you to go with the flow and get swept away.
Like I have told all my girlfriends..."don't worry, a guy will come along and knock you right on your ass..." consider me knocked on my ass and blown away.
xoxo
BT&HB
P.S. The song with you by Chris Brown reminds me of V and gets better every single time I listen to it.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The "Height" of the Matter...
The title for this post came to me yesterday when I was chatting with my stylist while she was doing my hair. I love Doris...she is a calming and supportive person, never looking at the glass as half empty, but half full...the reason for this title?? I met a guy this week, and the matter of height came front and centre- but to my surprise...it didn't matter.
Let me explain...I am almost 5'6 ...I am long in the upper body and therefore look taller ( also the fact that I love high heels doesn't help my cause..), people always tell me that I look more around 5'7 or 5'8 and I feel almost like I have to present my last measurement from my annual physical in order for people to believe me. My ex-boyfriend ( the rat-bastard that he was) had one thing that I was willing to let all the other shitty things he did go...height. He was 6'4, which meant I felt protected, small and like a girl should feel with a guy. That was then..this is now.
I was "set -up" with V on Monday. To my surprise we had a very easy banter via phone and text messages..almost like we have known each other forever. He had seen a picture of me, so there was no surprise there, but for me it was a total blind date. We spoke all week and his voice and his easy going attitude just drew me in. We had plans to meet on Sunday, but spontaneously, he asked me Friday to meet him after work. I said yes, and spent the day a bag of butterflies in my tummy. I worried, what if when he meets me it is not the same as seeing the vision in the picture? What will he look like? What about our height?
Time arrived and as he walked towards me ...he was shorter than I, but that all fell away once we started our conversation. As we set out to grab a coffee, I was just chatting along, when all of the sudden, he said to me..." your very pretty". Never, never...has anyone ever said that to me. Sure, they have told me I looked good, hot, sexy whatever ...but never pretty. I was taken aback..I thanked him and we went about our evening. That made me think yesterday when I was talking to Doris. It hit me all of the sudden...not one of the older men that I have gone out on dates with ( V is 32 and I am 38)..never so much complimented me and here is V ...telling me I am pretty after having met me less than 10 minutes before. Now I don't think he said it as a "line" because I have been fed those before...and his was genuine and sincere. I can't explain, but his height means nothing ...were he one of the others I had gone on blind dates with...it would have been an issue, because they literally acted like they couldn't care a less to know me and that they were doing me a favour by going on a date me with. ...this made the issue of height...not an issue anymore.
Doris gave me some insight...she said that maybe V is the one, maybe he is a stepping stone...because I found something in someone that I was craving forever ...which is a calming person, someone who wants to know everything about me..and who is a gentleman..despite the difference in age and height.
As I told my mother the next day..."so how tall is he??" she said...I replied, " he is shorter and younger, I am taller and older ...so it is a wash....and I finally see that height doesn't matter, and good things do indeed....come in small packages.
xoxo
BT&HB
Let me explain...I am almost 5'6 ...I am long in the upper body and therefore look taller ( also the fact that I love high heels doesn't help my cause..), people always tell me that I look more around 5'7 or 5'8 and I feel almost like I have to present my last measurement from my annual physical in order for people to believe me. My ex-boyfriend ( the rat-bastard that he was) had one thing that I was willing to let all the other shitty things he did go...height. He was 6'4, which meant I felt protected, small and like a girl should feel with a guy. That was then..this is now.
I was "set -up" with V on Monday. To my surprise we had a very easy banter via phone and text messages..almost like we have known each other forever. He had seen a picture of me, so there was no surprise there, but for me it was a total blind date. We spoke all week and his voice and his easy going attitude just drew me in. We had plans to meet on Sunday, but spontaneously, he asked me Friday to meet him after work. I said yes, and spent the day a bag of butterflies in my tummy. I worried, what if when he meets me it is not the same as seeing the vision in the picture? What will he look like? What about our height?
Time arrived and as he walked towards me ...he was shorter than I, but that all fell away once we started our conversation. As we set out to grab a coffee, I was just chatting along, when all of the sudden, he said to me..." your very pretty". Never, never...has anyone ever said that to me. Sure, they have told me I looked good, hot, sexy whatever ...but never pretty. I was taken aback..I thanked him and we went about our evening. That made me think yesterday when I was talking to Doris. It hit me all of the sudden...not one of the older men that I have gone out on dates with ( V is 32 and I am 38)..never so much complimented me and here is V ...telling me I am pretty after having met me less than 10 minutes before. Now I don't think he said it as a "line" because I have been fed those before...and his was genuine and sincere. I can't explain, but his height means nothing ...were he one of the others I had gone on blind dates with...it would have been an issue, because they literally acted like they couldn't care a less to know me and that they were doing me a favour by going on a date me with. ...this made the issue of height...not an issue anymore.
Doris gave me some insight...she said that maybe V is the one, maybe he is a stepping stone...because I found something in someone that I was craving forever ...which is a calming person, someone who wants to know everything about me..and who is a gentleman..despite the difference in age and height.
As I told my mother the next day..."so how tall is he??" she said...I replied, " he is shorter and younger, I am taller and older ...so it is a wash....and I finally see that height doesn't matter, and good things do indeed....come in small packages.
xoxo
BT&HB
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