" Pain is pain and yours is not greater than or less than anybody else's pain and deserves to be acknowledged as such." - From the Daily OM website, April 26, 2013
Well, who knew my father has such insight. Every morning my father just after eating his breakfast and before heading to work, will visit the website Daily OM to read the message of the day. I tuned him into this website years ago, I didn't know he still read it, but I know that a lot of the spiritual, intuitive and hunger for answers and understanding in me, come from him. He called me to show me the message for today - and boy, does it hit right on target with me.
Yesterday was a full/new moon. The pain I felt yesterday was truly unbearable. I struggled to stay positive and be grateful for everything in my life, but the pain just unleashed a vicious attack, one that left me depleted to the point of anger. I am not the only one that felt this way, many women felt the effects of the moon on their bodies and minds the past week. This makes me question, is one pain worst than another? Or should we be grateful for the pain we experience because their are others out there who are experiencing much worst?? Depends on your mind, and history, and what your going to do about it.
I have had some really rough days, sometimes it is just in my mind, but since I have started meditating and using affirmations daily - I saw clearly that I am using feeling ill or "off" as a reason not to move forward, to take the risk and do something new, to let go of the old me, because the new me is fighting to get out ( and boy, is she strong!). On the other hand, the old me has been with me forever, and is not going down without a fight ...so the battle is raging, and the moon just made me more aware that the battle began long time ago, and it is time to finish this and see the dawn of a new day, and the new me.
During my meditations, I was able to see clearly, that staying stuck and feeling ill has been my choice. There is nothing stopping me but me, if I want to be well, I have to think well. The mind and body are not two separate things, they are one and the same. I felt like a ton of bricks this morning, I over slept and could barely brush my teeth. As I was dressing for work, I thought .." this is it, you have abused your body and mind for long enough, how you thought and what you did back then will not work this time, be strong, believe and get cracking." I don't know how to explain what I feel, but it is a cross between crying with all your heart for God to help you, and the tap on your shoulder from your angels saying.." we are here waiting, and wherever you go or do, we will protect you, so go forward our child".
I have a long way to go, but I trust that I am where I am suppose to be. I know what makes me feel good, what makes me smile , what foods I enjoy, what exercise gets me all pumped and feeling like a champ, I know what nurtures my soul, and what heals my heart. Once you know the answer to those questions...pain won't hurt so bad, and the moon always brings promise of a new day.
Today, fill your heart with love and forgiveness, for those around you, and more importantly, for yourself.
XOXO
BT&HB
Friday, April 26, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
A Letter To My Past
Dear Past,
Thank you for coming to visit, and for staying with me all these years. I don't want to be rude...but it is time for you to go.
I can no longer feed you, because your hunger is too great, nor could I listen, because it just breaks my heart each time. Your not a messy guest, as you keep all my faults, failures and broken hearts in separate containers...but it takes up too much room, room I no longer want to give you. Don't get me wrong, you paid your keep...because it was not all bad. You allowed me to stand on my own two feet, find my voice, gave me courage, and allowed me to have faith in myself, allowed me to believe in love and love again..but the space that you occupy is too small for both of us.
I wish there was a way that I could keep you, but I can't - see, I became dependant on you to keep me from moving forward. Don't get me wrong, I won't forget all the good and the lessons and love - I will visit you, but only to remember with a smile at all the laughter and love ...not with regret and fear.
It is time for me to stop holding on to you, nothing will change what happened then, I accept that it is what it is and no one is to blame, no amount of crying, thinking, praying dreaming - will change what has come to pass. You are a familiar face, one that I wish I could go back to with the wisdom I have today, but life is about change and letting go..I tried hard to be able to hold on to you and still move forward with my dreams and goals..but you are too heavy, and I am tried,and I think your tired too.
When I looked in the mirror this morning, I didn't recognize the woman I saw - because she has changed..the mask I put on all those years ago to protect you and me, is peeling away..I am scared to go on without you - but I have survived what I thought I couldn't...and you gave me that strength, and for that I will always be grateful.
Please know that I know you protected me when I needed it, knocked me down so I could get back up, pushed me so I could see the fighter in me, you tested me..and I think you have been waiting for me to let go longer than I have been wanting to.
It is time for this letter to come to a close, time to clear out your space and enjoy this beautiful fine day...time to close that door and open the window ...because the day is waiting...and one thing you taught me all those years ago, is to never give up...because right when you do, that is when you miss the beauty of being alive.
Ti amo sempre.
G
Friday, April 5, 2013
Many Lives, Many Masters & Many Lessons.
"We all have lessons to learn in this school called Earth. We need to comprehend completely the concepts of compassion, love, non-violence, non-judgment, non-prejudice, patience, generosity and charity and hope." - Many Lives, Many Masters - Brian L. Weiss, M.D.
I must confess, despite my best efforts to eat well, train daily, practice gratitude, meditate, and pray...I get sick. It hits me literally overnight. I wake up, and boom - I ache like a 90 year old woman, my head feels like it is going to explode, and I am so emotional. I have gone to the doctor's there is nothing physically wrong with me and I am in the best of health. So what gives, until today the pieces didn't fit...but now they do.
For the last year or so, I was getting sick on certain days, or seemed like every three days. It would move from Sunday to Monday, Friday, in really bad times it would last a whole weekend, I tried not to let it stop me from living my day to the fullest, but it is painful, as yesterday was. I woke up this morning and it is as if the sky had open ( indeed it did, it was a new day), I felt calm, pain free and so alive. And then I noticed a pattern, I was ill on the same day last week - and the next day I had been given insight on what the next step in my path would be, today same thing..what came to me today gave me happiness and courage, the words flashed in my mind ....don't control your body, adore it.
Those simple words spoke volumes to me, I have been trying all my life to control my body, how it looks, moves, feels..we all have done this, but my lesson this time on earth, is to not control it, but adore it. By me adoring my body, it will return to it's natural state. It will work with me rather than against me...it deserves all the respect and love in the world, because it is a beautiful creation from God, we only have one in this life time - so treat it well.
On another note, my naturopath suggested I read "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian L. Weiss, M.D. When he said this, I rolled my eyes...I just finished telling him that I don't want to read anymore self-help books. He looked at me and said..." this book your ready for, it is life changing, read it." So, like the good little girl I am, I bought it that day ( Tuesday) I was done yesterday. It is not a big book; only 220 pages or so...but the story - blew me away. I am going to re-read it this weekend and make notes, I urge all of you to read this book. This is a prime example of " reading between the lines" - it helped me in the last few days, to understand that - the days that I suffer, is a way for me to gain insight the next day, to repay karmic debt, to grow, to learn and to live..it could not have come at a better time, because I didn't know where else to turn with this pain and the thought of living the rest of my life like this, was just too much to bear. It gave me hope, put a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Buy it , read it, learn from it and grow.
I will leave you with this paragraph in the book where the author paraphrases the mystic Teilhard de Chardin:
" We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Our bodies are temporary. We are souls. We are immortal; we are eternal. We never die; we merely transform to a heightened state of consciousness, no longer needing a physical body. We are always loved, we are never alone, and we can never be harmed, not at this level.
I see and understand now, through pain, there is healing, through hurt there is love, through the darkness - there is always light, and that is the light you are to this world.
XOXO
BT&HB
I must confess, despite my best efforts to eat well, train daily, practice gratitude, meditate, and pray...I get sick. It hits me literally overnight. I wake up, and boom - I ache like a 90 year old woman, my head feels like it is going to explode, and I am so emotional. I have gone to the doctor's there is nothing physically wrong with me and I am in the best of health. So what gives, until today the pieces didn't fit...but now they do.
For the last year or so, I was getting sick on certain days, or seemed like every three days. It would move from Sunday to Monday, Friday, in really bad times it would last a whole weekend, I tried not to let it stop me from living my day to the fullest, but it is painful, as yesterday was. I woke up this morning and it is as if the sky had open ( indeed it did, it was a new day), I felt calm, pain free and so alive. And then I noticed a pattern, I was ill on the same day last week - and the next day I had been given insight on what the next step in my path would be, today same thing..what came to me today gave me happiness and courage, the words flashed in my mind ....don't control your body, adore it.
Those simple words spoke volumes to me, I have been trying all my life to control my body, how it looks, moves, feels..we all have done this, but my lesson this time on earth, is to not control it, but adore it. By me adoring my body, it will return to it's natural state. It will work with me rather than against me...it deserves all the respect and love in the world, because it is a beautiful creation from God, we only have one in this life time - so treat it well.
On another note, my naturopath suggested I read "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Brian L. Weiss, M.D. When he said this, I rolled my eyes...I just finished telling him that I don't want to read anymore self-help books. He looked at me and said..." this book your ready for, it is life changing, read it." So, like the good little girl I am, I bought it that day ( Tuesday) I was done yesterday. It is not a big book; only 220 pages or so...but the story - blew me away. I am going to re-read it this weekend and make notes, I urge all of you to read this book. This is a prime example of " reading between the lines" - it helped me in the last few days, to understand that - the days that I suffer, is a way for me to gain insight the next day, to repay karmic debt, to grow, to learn and to live..it could not have come at a better time, because I didn't know where else to turn with this pain and the thought of living the rest of my life like this, was just too much to bear. It gave me hope, put a smile on my face and a spring in my step. Buy it , read it, learn from it and grow.
I will leave you with this paragraph in the book where the author paraphrases the mystic Teilhard de Chardin:
" We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Our bodies are temporary. We are souls. We are immortal; we are eternal. We never die; we merely transform to a heightened state of consciousness, no longer needing a physical body. We are always loved, we are never alone, and we can never be harmed, not at this level.
I see and understand now, through pain, there is healing, through hurt there is love, through the darkness - there is always light, and that is the light you are to this world.
XOXO
BT&HB
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