Should You...Or Shouldn't You???

Okay..I am going to admit it...I am in love with V ...straight up.  I have no other words for it..and I want so badly to say it to him...I like you a lot or I care about you...just isn't doing it for me anymore..I don't know why...maybe because I know he is the one...or am I dreaming he feels the same way and doesn't???  What to do?

I have always been a person to do what I wanted, never followed the rules of society, did what I wanted, when I wanted,learned from my own mistakes etc,etc.  So why am I torn??  I have been asking around to people who are either married or in a long term relationship how they knew that their boyfriends or husbands were the ones ...they all said the same thing..." I just knew..". I was told by so many people when I first started dating V..." don't tell him you love him first, let him tell you.." if you do it gives him too much confidence ...huh?  Not for anything, but I think there is nothing more confident in a person than them being able to bare their souls to someone and tell them how they feel.  What if they don't feel the same?  Have you made a fool of yourself? are you shamed because now they know you love them and they don't love you?? Don't think so, I think that you become empowered, empowered because you know yourself, you know your heart and you know what you want.  Maybe that person is a stepping stone..maybe you had to love something about them to be able to love someone else better, who knows, but I think is it pure bullshit to wait for the man to say it first ...truly I do.

I know in my last post I told you all what happen when I told my ex that I loved him..so you think I would have learned from my own mistake, the truth is...V is not my ex, no one is like your ex, just like the same things won't happen again...why, because I know who I am, I love myself and I am free, free of shame, guilt, fear and rejection...because I know that if V doesn't feel the same about me...my time would have been wasted waiting for him to say so.  What if he gets freaked out by it??  Well then, he is not a grown  man then is he?  I don't think we give guys enough credit for feeling as deeply as we women do.  They have the same hang-ups that us girls have, and it takes a lot of guts and balls to open your heart and tell someone  you love them, because loving them means you love yourself.

I am going to take the plunge ...call me a fool, call it too soon...I call it days wasted, days gone that I haven't said I love him or worst, years down the road finding out that they never really loved you..but cared about you, and all because your not suppose to tell the guy you love him? I have learned from my past mistakes, and as my relationship with V grows day by day...I learn that my mistakes and past relationships were my own.

V stands 13 inches shorter than my ex, but is a million times taller as a man...and that is worth opening my soul for. 

photo from mechtild.livejournal.com

Wish me luck ...even though I know I have cupid on my side, since her aim was dead on!

xoxo
BT&HB

Love Is Not Suppose To Be Hard...

I tell everyone this.  All of my friends, co-workers, boyfriends, family...strangers, everyone.  Why?  Because it shouldn't be.

I have to admit, I thought I was in love with my ex-boyfriend...I see now, that I had a need for love, because I didn't love myself.  I thought that what he gave me was love..it wasn't, far from it.  I actually was shocked when I did tell him that I loved him  ( after many months of dating) his response, "what is love??" mind you, I did tell him that he didn't have to answer...but still, he said he liked me - are you serious?  That blows, really blows. 

Many of us struggle within our relationships, we try to be the person that our beloved wants us to be, we talk, map out a strategy on how to impress, keep, get back, fight for...but for what?  When your with someone, a relationship takes work, but loving someone shouldn't..plain and simple.  I witnessed this in it's truest form with my dear friends in Florence, Italy.  L and S are a couple that shows the beauty of love and being in love and there for the other...you truly can overcome anything.  When I was visiting , L ( my friend's husband), would look at S with pure love and enchantment ...and she would return the same look.  They had their struggles and hard times, but their love is easy, beautiful and based on pure intentions, honesty, faith, trust and most of all respect.  It takes two people like them to show someone like me, that there is good and great love out there for everyone. 

While I was visiting them a couple of years ago...they use to say to each other ..." oh, amore mio.." I was like, " oh, people please .." and we would all laugh.  V called me amore a couple of weeks ago ...for as much as he is sometimes so quite ( where I am the loud one...he told me the two things that he liked best about me when we met, was my hair, and my voice...my voice stirred him the first time he heard it...even before he laid eyes on me..) - who says that?  

V told me a bit about his ex, how he wanted to be a policeman to get her back..I know how that is wanting to do anything to get the person you felt was your true love back.  He came to realize himself , two weeks before writing the exam, that he was doing it for the wrong reason.  I told him.." I understand what your saying...because I have done the same...but the ones that we have to fight to get back or keep, are the ones that are not worth fighting for..".  I then asked him if he is happy where he is in his life right now, his response was quick.." very happy, and happy to have you in my life..".  

I use to watch L look at my friend S ...and didn't understand how a man could look at a woman that way...but now I do, because it is the same look that I see, when V looks at me.

S and L...thank you for being my inspiration for this post ...you both mean the world to me..and I hope that one day, my love and V's will be half as beautiful as yours....ti amo.

xoxo
BT&HB