Good question don't you think? As always post idea came to me after I had a conversation with two people who are very dear and close to me today. Are we ever freed from our mistakes of the past?? I think to a point, yes, however...sometimes your not allowed to forget.
I know that I have made mistakes in the past, I have caused my family constant disappointment and worry and I have screwed up more times than I would like to admit...but the mistakes and problems were mine and mine alone...I never blamed anyone for how my life turned out or what happen to me. I learned on my road of knowing myself...that I created the problems, that I was to blame for how I chose not to see what everyone else saw. It took me a long time to reach the point I am at right now. I am not going to let anyone stand in the way of my happiness...I deserve to be happy, and happy with how my life is I am.
What I write on this blog is a journal of sort, a place where only a few close to me know who I am and about this blog, the rest of you are strangers...who might or might not get something from my blog...it doesn't matter to me if it is well received or not..this is a space for me to write what I would love to scream from the roof tops. I am happy....happier than I have ever been, I am in a good place, I was two months ago, last week and today. I understand that people are concerned about how fast my relationship with V is progressing, but believe me, all I want is to share how good he is and how much we both understand each other, spoken or unspoken. I don't and never have judge anyone or their relationship...but there is a fine line for me...and it hurt, when I have good intentions with my family and V being a part of it...so please, let me be happy...history will not repeat itself, because I am not the same girl I was, nor will I ever go back to that dark place. Take the words of my previous post any way you want...not fair to judge without knowing what was said or why..if you don't understand, ask me...listen to me, I love you...but a lecture is the last thing I want and the first thing that will push me away...you know that.
Forget that it happened, I have made peace with it and have forgiven the bastard, and don't wish him ill...not all guys are like F ...and I am being honest, if I love him...then let me love him and be happy...I learn from my mistakes, not the mistakes of others. I support everyone in my family with everything thing that they want to do...I have helped, prayed, cried, worried and loved all of you with all my heart. I have never felt this way before...and this is real, not imagined or felt more on my part...he does care about me very deeply..and my happiness and how he wants to be different with me than he ever was with anyone else ...like I want to be me for him. Extreme or not...I am who I am...love me or not ...but I love you, always have and always will.
So let the past go, please don't remind me of the mistakes - support me and know that no matter how much it may seem like it doesn't matter what you think...it does, and I want nothing more than for once to have approval of the people I love the most in the world ...and that S, is you and Mama. Be there and know that I always have been..I don't want to disappoint you or her ...but I need you to be proud of the woman that I have become ...because without either of you...I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have.
As always ...I mean it and I am sorry...Ti amo.
xoxo
BT&HB
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