" Will you teach me to fight?" I asked V, a level 5 black belt, "no, I won't teach you to fight...but I will teach you to defend yourself, lesson one; know your limits, lesson two..know your surroundings.."
The idea came to me today as I was driving home from a family party. I was suppose to meet up with V after the party, but since the last few hours at his work were not good, he was not in a happy place and just wanted to forget...and be alone. Which brought me to remember my limits. Before, I would panic...yup, I was one of those girls who thought that if the guy I was seeing or dating didn't want to see me I must have done something to provoke them to not want to see me. My ex put me though 10 types of hell...hammered my self-esteem, ruined my self-image and just made me crazy. It took me a long time to remember who I was before I met F, and how I never took shit from anyone...girl or guy, how I loved how I looked and was damn proud of the person I was. I found myself again, and was happy with my life when I met V. He calms me..makes me feel like the most smartest, and beautiful person in the world, but like I have a dark side, so does he. I have met his family, the most important test I passed last night...and that was with his sister. They are very close and if she didn't like me...she would not have spoken to me, or let me hold her new born son. When I left the room for a second..V told me that when I had left the room his sister said " V, she is a nice girl and don't be stupid..". I was worried more about meeting her than his parents. He told me after when I thanked him for taking me to see her, that I mean enough to him to allow me to meet his family. So, I realized today and am proud of myself for not slipping back into the dark place of my past and thinking that I must run and make sure that he still likes me, or call him to soothe my own insecurities, that yesterday he was happy with me, and this morning, and that work and just wanting to be alone is okay.
We all slip back to old habits from time to time...V taught me a valuable lesson ...know your limits. I know my limits with him and our relationship, I still don't know everything about him, or how he reacts, but I did let him know that I am there for him and if he needs me to call. There is nothing you can do when someone wants to be alone...when they are ready, and they know their limits, they will be ready to come back into the sunshine of a beautiful relationship, which I know I have with him. Learning about someone is also learning about yourself...I have always been a dark one ( you should have seen the outfit I had on today...I don't do flowers or really girly..french chic more sexy than pretty..lol). But that is me, and I know where he is coming from and how tomorrow he will be better because as always and never fails by the miracle of God..the sun rises in the East and a new day begins.
My nephew is half in love with him already...he made me smile when I saw him today and he said...." wow zia, you look beautiful, you should have worn that to go out with V ..." . By the time the party was winding down, I had found that V didn't want company today, and my nephew again ( my 10 year old voice of reason), gave me a hug and said.." Don't worry zia, he still loves you...he is just in a bad mood and doesn't want to take you down too." Smart kid, really smart kid. You have to love the truthfulness of a 10 year old, because they see things with an un-clouded mind...and you know what...I believe him, and that made me remember...he liked me yesterday, and today...tomorrow he will have missed me more than ever, and you know what??? I have missed him even more right back.
So my friends, remember that the sun will always rise with a promise of a new day, that love and feelings don't change in a few hours, relationship are learning about yourself and the other...and knowing your limits.
xoxo
BT&HB
No comments:
Post a Comment