Stop and Sort Out Your Life...

"We all need to just stop.  Stop and sort out our lives." - Unknown March 2013

For all that is good and right in my life, there is still so much that is not.  Today wasn't as bad as yesterday - but I still feel unsettled, or ungrounded.  I can't for the life of me today put my finger on why, until tonight.  I was just checking in one of my favorite websites that I check daily, and there was the quote above.  It was posted in reference to hurting other people when your hurt, you should stop and sort out your life.  For me it had a totally different meaning.

I went to see a reiki master a couple of months ago.  He has 25 years of experience and is upon meeting him an clam and beautiful man ( as are all healers - Angie you know I love you!).  He said somethings to me that have walked with me, sat with me and stayed with me since that day.  He told me that I have been walking around in a fog all my life, and that I am very ambitious and creative ( not something I didn't know, but still) - he also added that just as I am about to step over the wall and reach my goal - I slide right back down to the bottom.  What is it that is holding me back?  What and why in the name of all that is holy do I do this?  The answer??  I have to stop, and sort out my life. 

I never really sat and wrote out all that is good in my life and what I feel is not ( nothing is bad or good, it is just how you look at it and if you see that life is meant to move forward and keep moving), so I am going to do just that tonight...I am going to stop, and sort out my life.

I know where I need to make changes, I know what I love and what I am passionate about.  I know where I cut myself short, and where I can do better - I know where I take too much and don't give enough back, where I have talent, and how I can not only help myself, but a passion to help others.  I know and believe that I have all that I need to fight this fight, to be the best me, to be that woman that I envisioned all those years ago.  Life happened as it should, I had to be that person back then, because that was who I was suppose to be at that time of my life, in order to bring me where I am today. 

Nothing scares me more that being like this - feeling lost in a very dense fog, alone and no one understanding, slowly, all the people I thought I could talk to, I see now that I can't any longer - maybe I have out grown them, maybe they just don't know what to tell me anymore ...but this I know, for how ungrounded I felt today, for how alone I felt yesterday and for how scared this feeling makes me feel inside ....nothing can hurt me, no one can keep me down ...but me.

I am going to do this, time for me to get out of this fog, I have been here long enough, I found my light and it is leading me out of the fog and into a bright beautiful world.

xoxo
BT&HB