A Letter To My Past

Dear Past,

Thank you for coming to visit, and for staying with me all these years.  I don't want to be rude...but it is time for you to go.  
I can no longer feed you, because your hunger is too great, nor could I listen, because it just breaks my heart each time.  Your not a messy guest, as you keep all my faults, failures and broken hearts in separate containers...but it takes up too much room, room I no longer want to give you.  Don't get me wrong, you paid your keep...because it was not all bad.  You allowed me to stand on my own two feet, find my voice, gave me courage, and allowed me to have faith in myself, allowed me to believe in love and love again..but the space that you occupy is too small for both of us.  

I wish there was a way that I could keep you, but I can't - see, I became dependant on you to keep me from moving forward.  Don't get me wrong, I won't forget all the good and the lessons and love - I will visit you, but only to remember with a smile at all the laughter and love ...not with regret and fear.   

It is time for me to stop holding on to you, nothing will change what happened then, I accept that it is what it is and no one is to blame, no amount of crying, thinking, praying dreaming - will change what has come to pass.  You are a familiar face, one that I wish I could go back to with the wisdom I have today, but life is about change and letting go..I tried hard to be able to hold on to you and still move forward with my dreams and goals..but you are too heavy, and I am tried,and I think your tired too.

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I didn't recognize the woman I saw - because she has changed..the mask I put on all those years ago to protect you and me, is peeling away..I am scared to go on without you - but I have survived what I thought I couldn't...and you gave me that strength, and for that I will always be grateful.

Please know that I know you protected me when I needed it, knocked me down so I could get back up, pushed me so I could see the fighter in me, you tested me..and I think you have been waiting for me to let go longer than I have been wanting to.

It is time for this letter to come to a close, time to clear out your space and enjoy this beautiful fine day...time to close that door and open the window ...because the day is waiting...and one thing you taught me all those years ago, is to never give up...because right when you do, that is when you miss the beauty of being alive.  

Ti amo sempre.
G