The Lesson of The Golden Buddha

" Within each of us lies a solid gold treasure.  This golden essence is our spirit, pure and magnificent, open and glowing.  But this gold has been covered up by a hard shell of clay.  The clay comes from our fear. It is our social mask; the fact we show the world.  Unconcealing your shadow reveals your mask.  We must look at this mask with love and compassion for there is great value in understanding what we hide behind." -From Debbie Ford's book; "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers".

I read these words this morning, reading them hit home, I am only about 75 pages into my latest read, and read a lot I do.  It is a way for me to escape, perhaps avoid doing what I need to do, and to day dream of the life I know is waiting for me.  This words brought me to my knees and opened a flood gate....I felt this coming on for weeks, and now I understand why. 

I am many things, but I have buried a lot, hidden a lot, and carried a lot.  I am tired, tired of failing, tired of trying, tired of being the person I pretended to be for the sake of acceptance.  I owned my shadow sides this morning - and I am no longer ashamed, because they served me and stayed with me, so I could bring my true self back to life. 

Our outer shell is the you who faces the world. I know my outer shell says many things, but my shadow sides are the ones that have hunted me the most.  I try to be helpful, compassionate, healthy and loving, but at the same time, there is a part of me that is lazy, unhealthy and not so loving, and sometimes rude.  I don't want to hide anymore - I guess what I am trying to say is, I love and accept, the bad, the lazy, the not so smart, the phony, the liar, the ugly, the hard, the bitch, the thief, the lame, the geek, the failure and the little fat girl inside of me.  I own them - and owing them allows me to let go - to love all parts of myself,....once and for all. 

This book has opened my eyes in ways I never thought possible.  I am going to chisel away at my shell, piece by piece...my shinning essence will emerge, one chip at a time.  That is what has been holding me back.  I don't want change for  6 months or a year, I want this change to be permanent.  I want what I want, and it wants me - but finally seeing why I get to the top of the wall....and then slide all the way back down, is because the parts of me I am hiding.  I expends too much energy to keep them hidden, this is who I am - and to every bad there is a good: where there is hate, there is love, where there is fear, there is strength, where there is rudeness, compassion, where there is shame, there is acceptance. 

As the story is told, a golden Buddha was covered in clay to prevent it from being stolen during the war, the shell protected the Buddha from theft.  Do you think after the monks chiseled the shell off the gold Buddha the Buddha angrily said: " I hated that horrible shell"? Or do you think the Buddha blessed the shell that served to protect him from being stolen away from his home?

I am grateful for the clay that has protected me all this time - but the golden treasure that lies inside of me - is ready to face the world...I just need a bit of polishing.

XOXO
BT&HB