Love Is Power...Hate Is Not.

Last couple of weeks I have been filled with anger and hate...and some rage.  Rage at the wrong people, hate for the right ones ...and anger towards myself. 

When I feel like this, it physically makes me sick.  I can't eat, I sleep though..like the dead, my hair gets dry and doesn't curl right, have no desire to do anything, not working out, work or even yoga sometimes ....nothing is helping me get past this stupid heart break.  I stopped to ask myself why, why is it harder this time around, until this past weekend I didn't see..but now I do.  It wasn't the break-up per say that hurt, that I totally understand and accept..but how V chose to break it off and how he treated me and how he treats me now...worst than a stranger or a whore...all the while, I did nothing but respect him, love him and give a shit about him...really, royally pissed me off. Why would someone who less than two weeks ago told you they loved you turn and treat you worst than an enemy??  Well, I call it the coward way out..and also RUDE!

I called him on this...cause we have been in contact, however this past weekend I couldn't take it anymore - so when he rudely answered my text ...I let him have it.  Standing up for myself in that way, while this whole time I was sparing him the stress and cared about his "space", all the while he didn't give two shits about mine, so I turned the table..yup, answered right back and told him...from now on, I will treat you, just how you treat me...let's see if you like it. Example, by mistake I sent a text that was not meant for him to him...when I realized what I had done...I texted him and told him.." that was not meant for you, I noticed now who I sent it to." his response.." I figured that out G" ...my response, " too bad I didn't figure it out sooner when we were dating that some text you sent me, clearly weren't meant for me.." his response, " why are you being like this??" " Like what??" you don't like being treated and reminded that your a testa di cazzo?  ( dickhead for my English friends). You would all be proud to know...i did not answer his question.  I know, it is all game playing..but I am tried and he deserves it. Let him see how it feels not to get a response, let him wonder now if I give a shit...let him...grow the efff-up!

My good friend said to me today...some people are compassionate and nice, and they get the same in return, but for some people, God is like..." na, not for you, your going to have life lessons and learn from them.."  What did I learn from this?? Well I learned....

* Believe them the first time
* Know your self worth and your more valuable than any thing else
* Being nice all the time, can sometimes work against you
* Love is power and hate is not ...
* I might be down right now....but I am not out.

All my life, the struggles have not been easy, but not hard either ...no matter what the lesson was or how many times I had to cry myself to sleep for not just heartbreak, but the lack of human compassion...I never, ever gave up ...or lost hope. I am my mother's daughter ...and her struggles alone...would bring even the strongest, most powerful man...to his knees.

xoxo
BT&HB