What makes you angry? Petty things such as someone cutting you off while driving? Your boss being a testa di cazzo ( translated as dickhead), losing something, being insulted ...or do you just live and breath anger??
I pondered this question this morning...I have to admit, I get angry, but it takes a lot to really make me explode and never speak or see the person again ( unless it is the above mentioned testa di cazzo)...I was meditating and I have been feeling for months like I am stuck. Stuck meaning not moving forward, falling back into the same old habits that didn't work for me the first time around, not enjoying anything or any one's company. So I took a long hard look at myself today, and asked...."what is it??" "why am I constantly struggling to do and achieve?" the answer came back as..." your extremely pissed off".
Wow...don't know where that came from, since I consider myself easy going and a calm person, one is happy and thankful...but pissed off? I considered this internal insight, and my soul is right...I am pissed off. Pissed off that I try hard everyday to be a good person, pissed because it seems like no matter how much good I put out, or respect I give people or how much I love ....I get the short end of the stick. Bullshit really, but there is truth in anger.
Being angry robs you of moving forward with your life. It keeps all the energy you have stuck in your solar plexus, energy that can be used for better use. I know that the process of releasing my anger is not going to heal overnight, but I am excited about letting it go, feeling it and own it...then releasing it once an for all. I know in my heart that a lot of what I do daily that is "not" good for me, from negative thoughts, to silently wishing my bosses ass would get bigger with every beer she drinks, to wanting to scream at everyone..." shut the efff up...I am a person with feelings and I bleed, just like you do." Part of it is my fault, I have always been the strong one, the good girl, the go-to when you need something done and done fast...I never gave myself the chance to allow someone else to do something for me...for once, I wish someone who do something for me..without me having to tell them.
I am forever grateful to those in my life who have done things for me with out me asking...my parents, my sister and brothers, my best friend Sabrina ( shout out to you Sabby), all my friends ( you know who you are)...and for God up in heaven who has always protected me and guided me on this journey of life.
I wonder, what would life be like if everyone was happy? If we all blessed each other with love, lent a helping hand, shared and smiled at everyone just because it felt good to? I wonder how many marriages would be saved, how many kid's would enjoy their childhood, how many people would be spared pain, hurt, lost, and sickness. Our bodies hold the key to a happy life, sometimes...your stomach isn't making nosies because your hungry, it is making a plead to you to help release the devil inside.
xoxo
BT&HB
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