Time To Come Clean...

"I expect a change...for the better." - Unknown

Been awhile since I have shared stories from my journey.  Much has happened, while at the same time staying the same.  I am not the person I use to be, nor I am the girl who started this blog 4 years ago.  When I started writing, I used it as a platform to get my thoughts and feelings out, all the while protecting not only my own identity, but also those of who I wrote about.  If I gave away my name, those out there would one day stumble upon my blog, and what would they think?  How would they react? That I will never know, nor do I care ...because the things I shared are true, and can't be changed. 

It took me awhile to get here - but it is time that I move forward.  I don't want to feel the way I do, nor to I want to continue to be embarrassed of my past or who I am.  I hid for too long.  For the last couple of weeks I have been really happy, then unhappy - up, down, sick not sick...lean, not so lean ...I was so sick of this bullshit, honestly I was ready to give up. 

When something is bothering me I dream, when I am not certain what to do, I pray and the answer comes...it came last night in a dream - the man who made me feel weak, worthless and so ugly for so long, and after 8 years...showed up.  In my dream he was much like I remember him, and he spoke - when he spoke, how I use to feel around him and how I felt for 7 years...came back.  He showed his face quickly, and spoke fast - but like all the scars he left me with - the words stung and at the same time made sense. 

He was there to remind me what it use to feel like to be weak, not heard and hating myself, he reminded me of the courage I had to leave him - and the struggles it took to get my life back.  My life didn't turn out as I thought it would (but who's does), but I realized I can't hide anymore...it is time for me to come out of the shadows, be who I dream of being, do what I love and do what I say.  I can do it , and I will. 

I think it is time for me to move this blog to another title and platform - one where everyone will know me, where they can ask advice and I will gladly give.  One where I no longer have to hide, I will be free to be me.

I haven't set the blog up yet, and I won't share the address here - but as with this blog, I write from my heart and how I speak.  If anything, I hope this blog has given people hope, faith and belief in love and life - never give up, never stop, never let anyone even yourself stop you for doing what you love, and being who you are.

I loved my ex, and I know he loved me in his own way, but how could it have lasted ....if we as individuals, didn't love and know ourselves at the time??

So, I leave you with this thought - follow your gut, love who you are, be happy no matter what is going on around you - always believe in God and yourself, don't over think things just let it be - you will find love and be loved.

xoxo
G