The idea for this post came to me yesterday ...the pull to write was so strong yesterday..guess it was the energy of release urging me to write...and get it out of my system.
What a journey the last 6 months have been...not only because of the demise of my relationship with V...but also my the demise of all my past fears, relationships, self-doubts, and disappointments.
The week that I was so kindly dumped on my birthday, and the reason why is no longer clear and honestly no longer matters ....I couldn't take anymore. I had enough, enough with shitty people always coming into my life, destroying my self-worth, using me and then taking what they want or needed...and taking the high road. Tired of the same cycle repeating itself over and over. I thought, why?? I know I deserve better, I treat people with respect and I treat them how I would like to be treated...so why? Why does all this shitty stuff keep happening to me...finally, after all the years of reading endless amounts of self-help books, prayers, yoga, avoidance, suffering, placing the happiness of others before my own...I had my "ah" moment.
Now, everything makes sense, all the books, meditation, reactions, actions of others...fear, my emotional health and how it effects my physical health...my relationships with people family, friends and boyfriends...but most importantly...the one I have with myself.
In the last two weeks, I see the beauty in things that I wouldn't notice before, I smile at myself in the mirror, Christmas trees and Santa's make me laugh, my boss and co-worker no longer get under my skin, the sun shines for me...even when it is cloudy..:)
Before I would always say when someone would ask me if I want a relationship or if I want to get married, have a better job, better health, more happiness etc,etc ...I would always reply, " if it is meant to happen, it will happen." - not anymore, I know what I want, and I know how to get it...the more you think about what you want, what you really want, that energy gets put out there, and you will attract the right job, people, happiness, love, health and joy...because as I learned ...you are what you think...and I think...that I am a truly wonderful, beautiful, sexy, strong, loving and totally worthy person...to get everything I deserve and desire.
I am grateful for my past. I am grateful to have love and lost ...than not to have loved at all.
My new moto is: Been there, Done that, Moved On ...and Feel Great!
xoxo
BT&HB
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